A Weekend in London
by Boots1980
Summary: Buffalo Pictures owns Doc Martin.  I own nothing. This is an alternative to Series 3 #5. What if Martin had asked Louisa to come to London with him for a weekend so that they could get to know one another rather than asking her to marry him.
1. Chapter 1

**A Weekend in London **

**I met Isabelle Grayson and Holly Goodwin on my first day at Goldsmiths' College of the University of London. We were standing in a long queue, grouped alphabetically, trying to sort out where we would live for the term. The dismal lodgings at Goldsmiths' were quite expensive for what they offered. Holly told us of a three room flat on Graham Terrace being let by a graduate student and asked if we would like to see it. **

**Isabelle and I stepped out of queue and followed Holly to a rather bleak third floor flat with a rusty kitchen sink, dubious cooker and questionable hot water in the lavatory. What the property lacked in condition was offset by its high ceilings and large windows overlooking a park. We signed a lease immediately and then looked at each other hoping for the best. Our friend Mark Cordell would come to refer to us as "the three Gs of GT," and we never had the heart to tell him he wasn't all that clever.**

**We were three very different people which likely helped us live peacefully for the four years of university. Holly was a bit haughty, musical and had her cap set on marrying a rich man. Failing that, she was studying for a teaching certificate as was I. Isabelle was artistic, flighty and enrolled in the college's renowned art department. My first teacher at Portwenn Primary studied at Goldsmiths' and my dream was to follow in her footsteps, first at university and then into primary school teaching.**

**With her artistic flair, Isabelle transformed the flat with paint and bits and pieces of furniture, often found on the street or at flea markets. Holly taught us the more important lessons in life: getting about London by tube, applying makeup flawlessly, inserting a tampon, and by her many examples, ditching a boyfriend gracefully. I took on the cooking chores and knew how to stretch our meager food budget. As the more studious one, I often helped Holly and Isabelle with difficult courses, particularly maths.**

**At the end of our studies, I returned to Portwenn to teach at the primary school, Isabelle left for France to pursue art, and Holly remained in London where she taught at several fancy schools. After a bad marriage ended in Paris, Isabelle returned to Falmouth and managed the local arts council. **

**Each year Isabelle and I waited in breathless anticipation for Holly's Christmas card gushing about her exciting life with the most exotic vacations, brilliant boyfriends and gifted students. Immediately we were on the phone to each other giggling about our posh pal. We loved her and saw her occasionally, but she had turned into such a toff, we had to laugh about it. However, the year Holly announced she had been appointed head of a new school in London and given partial ownership interest, I was so jealous that I ate an entire packet of chocolate biscuits.**

**The next fall Holly called me with an invitation to a charity concert she and her chamber music group were giving at Millington Hall, near Wadebridge. During our conversation she dropped that she was dating a radiology consultant at St. Thomas's Hospital. Without thinking of the implications, I told her I was dating Martin Ellingham, a doctor who had been a surgery consultant at St. Thomas's. Of course, characterizing my relationship with Martin as dating was an exaggeration, but for once I wanted to outdo Holly.**

**When Holly sent two tickets to the concert with a note saying "do bring Martin," I vowed to do just that. I knew that Martin enjoyed classical music, but I was still surprised that he so readily agreed to attend the concert with me. On our drive to Millington Hall, Martin played a CD of Bach cello suites and chatted a bit more than usual. He seemed more relaxed, and there was an anticipatory frisson between us. When he took my hand to help me from his car, he nearly smiled and said I looked very pretty in the new dress Caroline made me buy for the occasion.**

**Except for a bit of awkwardness with Holly and more than a bit with a friend of his Aunt Joan's, Martin was almost charming that night, particularly when I caught him staring at me in a very admiring manner. At that moment, I thought the evening might lead to romance and was crushed when it ended so badly. **

**The next morning I thought of staying in bed for the rest of my life, but Holly was arriving for a tour of my school around noon. Of course, she fell at the harbor and then made the problem worse by ignoring Martin's medical advice and seriously injuring herself by falling again. This time she fell on a broken milk bottle at my cottage. It galled me having to call Martin a second time to treat Holly, but I was impressed when he saved her life after she suffered an allergic reaction to morphine.**

**After Holly was taken by ambulance to Truro Hospital, Martin and I said nothing as we picked up glass from the broken bottle on my kitchen floor. As he left my cottage, I said he was an extraordinary man and – at that moment – I meant it. He walked out the door saying that he wasn't extraordinary, and I returned to wiping up Holly's blood, thinking he could not even accept a compliment gracefully. An instant later, Martin returned looking quite distressed and said: "Come to London with me, Louisa." **

**I didn't trust my hearing and said: "What was that Martin."**

"**London, Louisa. Come there with me next weekend."**

**This is exactly what Caroline had been suggesting: get away from Portwenn with Martin and the prying gossips who made his life miserable. No one would notice us in London. We could enjoy ourselves and really get to know each other. With most things in our tenuous relationship, including the concert, I had to take the initiative, but this time Martin asked that we do something - together. That, alone, was irresistible.**

**Martin explained that he was going to London Thursday next for a conference where he would present a research paper for work he began while at St. Thomas's. Reflecting my thoughts, he said it would be good to be away from Portwenn . There would be no interruptions, only time together. He planned to ask me after the concert, but he had stuck his foot in it and I told him I never wanted to see him again.**

**I asked if he was certain and said that I didn't want to have a weekend arguing with him and being annoyed by his thoughtless comments. A second time I asked if he was certain he wanted to spend a weekend in London with me. He assured me that he did and wouldn't have asked me otherwise.**

**Of course, Friday was report day for parents and couldn't be rescheduled. If I moved the parents along quickly, I could get to Bodmin Parkway for the afternoon train to London. I asked Martin if I could arrive in the evening. **

**Martin would be at the conference all day and the evening would actually be better. He was meeting his tutor, Robert Southwood, for dinner but should be finished by 8 or so. The new owners of his flat were in Milan visiting their daughter, and they generously offered the flat to Martin for his time in London. Perhaps concerned about sleeping arrangements, he explained that there was plenty of room in the flat and that we could go to his clock shop or any place I wanted. He just wanted me to come to London.**

**Taking a deep breath and with the hope that the weekend away would be useful, I said "Of course, I'll come to London Martin. It sounds – well it sounds wonderful."**

**This is what happened that weekend and the events it set in motion. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A Flat in Kensington**

**Friday evening about 7, Louisa arrives by taxi at a handsome, old building in Kensington. She is greeted by the desk man, Mr. Harrington.**

"**Good evening, I'm Mr. Harrington and are you Miss Glasson?"**

"**Why, yes, how did you know?"**

"**Dr. Ellingham said you were to arrive tonight and pick up the key for number 426. We were to take you up to the flat and help with your luggage. When we asked how we would recognize you, he said that you have a lovely smile. And you certainly do miss."**

**Louisa laughs and says: "I see. I have one small bag and my computer case, but thank you for your help."**

**As Mr. Harrington escorts Louisa to the lift and then to No. 426, their conversation continues: **

"**Yes, Miss Glasson, Dr. Ellingham is missed here. He was one of the first residents – he and Dr. and Mrs. Southwood. When he only let his flat to the Cosgroves, we hoped he might be coming back. But then he sold it. You don't suppose he'll be returning to London?"**

"**I don't know, Mr. Harrington. It seems he likes Cornwall. But I don't know." **

"**Now then, here we are Miss. If you need anything, I am at the desk until 8 and then a young lad from the polytechnique comes on until midnight. Just ring 733 and that connects to the desk. Dr. Ellingham brought in some shopping yesterday and flowers were delivered today. We put them inside on the table." **

"**Thank you, Mr. Harrington. You are very kind."**

"**Good night, Miss Glasson. I'm off to my weekend. Enjoy your stay in London."**

**Returning to the lobby, he understands why Dr. Ellingham seemed a bit cheery this morning. What a lovely lady that Miss Glasson. **

**Louisa unlocks the door and brings in her bag and case. Walking into the lounge, she switches on a lamp and sees a vase of flowers with a card addressed to her. It reads: "Louisa, I look forward to the weekend. Martin." **

**Louisa smiles and thinks what an effort it must have been for Martin to think of flowers for her. A good sign she hopes. **

**Louisa wanders through the large flat flicking on lights. In the lounge there are French doors opening to small balconies overlooking a tree-lined street. Handsome bookcases run along two more walls while the fourth wall has a fireplace and overmantel. Next is the dining room with a carved wooden table and walls filled with paintings. The sleek kitchen looks a bit like a magazine advert, not at all like her poor little cottage kitchen. Down the hall are a lavatory and a big bedroom with a desk and bed. Another even larger bedroom has an en-suite bath. The artwork and furnishings are beautiful, and Louisa concludes that the Cosgroves must be quite wealthy. **

**Suddenly Louisa realizes how tired she is. She was awake until 2 preparing reports and began her first meeting at 6, so that parents going off to early shift jobs could see her. Most meetings had gone well, but a few parents were frustrated that little could be done for their handicapped children. They would have to take the long bus ride to Delaboule for the classes they needed.**

**Then she had to rush to meet the train at Bodmin Parkway with Al Large driving full bore to get her there. She tried to doze on the train but was so excited she could not rest. Giving up on sleep, she answered emails and worked on a proposal for the Board of Goverors. **

**She decides to be a bit forward and places her bag in the large bedroom. After a shower, she'll make a pot of tea and see if Martin brought in something for a quick bite. She had to force herself to have a sandwich on the train so that she would not faint. Louisa most certainly does not want to faint this weekend.**

**Hanging in the cupboard are a few of Martin's suits and shirts. She pulls trousers and a skirt from her luggage and places them in the cupboard. For the ease of packing, Louisa brought jerseys and jeans that she will put in a drawer along with her nightdress. In the bathroom, she decides to wash her hair as well. It should have time to dry before Martin arrives. **

**After her shower, Louisa slowly rubs cream over her body and occasionally sniffs it to make sure it has no aroma – Kenzo Flower, Sandalwood or otherwise. She brushes her hair and then cleans her teeth – twice. After that she dons a lacy bra, also bought for the concert, followed by knickers, jeans and a jersey. She will leave her hair loose to dry. No make up she thinks, but maybe a smidge of lipstick and mascara. Well, she looks presentable but not like she is trying too hard. Not that Martin would notice. **

**Back in the kitchen, Louisa finds the tea kettle and rummages in the large fridge, finding a bowl of apples. Louisa washes one and cuts it into small sections. After making tea, she carries the teapot and apple to the dining table. There she finds today's "Financial Times" and leafs through it while sipping tea. Still a bit anxious about the weekend, Louisa wonders when Martin will return to the flat and fidgets with her hair as she waits.**

**A few minutes later, she hears a knock on the door. Thinking it is Martin without a key, she glances in the mirror above the bureau, tucks her hair behind her ears and walks to the door. She opens it to a very attractive woman dressed in an elegant black evening suit. Somewhat startled at seeing Louisa, the woman says: "Oh, sorry – I thought this was 426. I was looking for Martin Ellingham."**

**Equally confused, Louisa sputters: "Oh, yes. He is staying here this weekend. He should return shortly from dinner." **

**The woman extends her hand to Louisa and says: "Well, then, I am Claire Southwood. Martin is having dinner with my husband, Robert. I haven't seen him in an age, so I stopped by to say hello. Robert phoned and said they were leaving the restaurant, so I thought Martin might be here by now."**

**Relieved that the woman is not some old girlfriend of Martin's, Louisa introduces herself, invites the visitor in and offers her tea. **

"**Thank you, a cup of tea would be quite nice. Just plain. My only virtue I picked up in Africa is drinking plain tea."**

"**That's what I should do, but I can't have it unless it's white with at least two sugars."**

**Louisa brings a cup of tea to Claire and asks if she would like to go into the lounge or sit at the table.**

"**Any spot is fine. I am so tired of standing for three hours and chatting up rich donors for money.**

"**Are you a fundraiser then, Mrs. Southwood?"**

"**Oh, please it's Claire. Yes, I suppose I am a fundraiser – but somewhat by happenstance. I was a nurse when Robert and I married, and we had four children close together. As our last son was finishing secondary school, I got it in my head that I wanted to do something grand and noble after being a mum for 20 years. I took a refresher nursing course and volunteered to work in The Sudan for Doctors Without Borders. My husband was furious that I would even consider such a thing, particularly as it was for a year. But I told him I was doing it with or without his blessing. If he wanted me to stay sane, I had to do something that I wanted. He didn't speak to me for weeks, and I was frightened that our marriage was ruined. **

"**One day I saw Martin at the hospital where I was training. He asked when I was leaving for The Sudan and told me that Robert was proud of me. Robert was Martin's tutor in medical school and had worked with his father at various times in London. Martin and his father – well actually his parents – have a strained relationship, so Robert was a good deal more than a mentor to Martin. Clearly the two had discussed my volunteering, and I knew Martin would never exaggerate anything Robert said. That night I broke the silence with Robert and told him about my talk with Martin. My husband crumbled and said he was proud of me and loved me but was frightened that something horrible would happen to me in such a dreadful place."**

"**Claire - The Sudan - that must have been very difficult."**

"**Oh it was, ghastly actually. But I was so determined that I just put it out of my mind and soldiered on in several horrible refugee camps. When Robert came to see me after three months, I had lost considerable weight and looked and smelled terrible. But he didn't try to have me leave. He only told me that he loved me and was proud of me. A few weeks before I was to leave, Robert returned and did every type of surgery you can imagine and worked under horrid conditions. By the time we left, we were so close and that experience had an effect on both of us. We go back to The Sudan for two weeks each year and do what we can. While Robert works at Imperial Hospital, I run about trying to pull money together for the group."**

"**Claire, I understand why Robert is proud of you."**

"**And I am proud of Robert – and Martin. Robert was so affected by our experience that he persuaded Martin to volunteer a few times. He hoped it would broaden Martin's somewhat narrow view of surgery being done only in the well-structured confines of an NHS hospital. Martin went to The Sudan twice when he was still in London and then last year when he was in Cornwall. This last time, he didn't do surgery, of course, but worked on the inoculation programs for cholera and several other nasty diseases."**

"**Martin, in The Sudan. That's astonishing. I can't imagine him not spotless and buttoned up. He never said he was going to The Sudan last year. Only that he was taking a holiday from the surgery. He did look a bit off when he came back, but I put it down to jet lag or some travel virus."**

"**No, it's impossible to be in The Sudan and not get quite dirty and even sick. Poor Martin, the first time he was there he was fine, but when he got back to London he was quite ill for a time. He probably wanted to tell me off for getting him into it, but he never complained. There's a lot more to Martin Ellingham than meets the eye."**

"**I'm starting to understand that, but he never talks about himself."**

"**Well, then, what do you talk about?" asks Claire with a little laugh. "I've never known a man – especially a doctor and my dear Robert is among them – who doesn't want to talk about himself."**

"**Yes, Martin and I talk, but he doesn't say much and then I over react to what he ****does say. Usually that's followed by a row and we stay away from each other. Oh, please ignore me. I'm just rambling on. This weekend we are trying to sort out what we are to each other without all the interruptions of living in a busybody village like Portwenn."**

"**Louisa, I understand how frustrating Martin can be. Robert is probably closer to him than anyone else in London, and I've known him for nearly 20 years. He talks more to Robert, but to me he never says anything about himself unless it relates to his work. Even in The Sudan, he only wanted to discuss medicine. One day I got quite cheeky with him and said that if he ever expected to get married, he had to make an effort with women. For years I have tried to introduce him to very attractive women and so have others. Nothing comes of it, and it bothers me because I think Martin would be a good husband and father. Someone has to get through to him, and I hope it is you, Louisa."**

**Louisa is a little taken aback by Claire's candor – and a little depressed. She will not let it ruin the weekend. **

**The door opens and Martin softly calls "Louisa" as he walks into the lounge. Seeing Claire with Louisa, he seems rattled and says: "Claire, I didn't know you were here."**

"**I told the desk man to let you know I was going to call in on you."**

"**Oh, he was on the phone when Robert and I came in." Martin bends and kisses Claire on the cheek and says: "So you have met Louisa. Good. You have had some tea. Good."**

"**Yes, Martin, I have met Louisa and had a nice conversation with her. Now, I should see to Robert as we will be up at dawn for the drive to Essex and our grandson's first birthday. I hope you didn't get Robert drunk and disorderly."**

"**No, we dined with two Harvard surgeons in from the States for the conference." Interesting work they are doing, but Robert thought they were a bit full of themselves. Nice dinner though, but we ate too late." **

**Louisa and Claire look at each other and smile.**

**Martin says: "Well, it was too late."**

**As Claire walks to the door, Martin says: "Please give my best to the, uh, baby."**

"**Martin, I should think you could remember that the baby is Robert, named after his grandfather and your old tutor!"**

"**Yes, right, Robert."**

**Giving her what Louisa recognizes as a sympathetic smile, Claire wishes then a good weekend and walks through the door with a small wave to both. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A Fresh Start**

"**Louisa, I didn't know Claire was coming here. You weren't meant to meet her. Robert told me she was at a fundraiser – I just didn't know." **

"**It's quite alright. We had a nice chat and a cup of tea. She's very interesting and her work for Doctors Without Borders here and in The Sudan is – well - admirable." **

"**Oh, uh, did she tell you that I had gone to The Sudan?"**

"**Yes, Martin, as a matter of fact she did." **

"**I never really talk about that. That's why you didn't know."**

"**No Martin, you never really talk about many things, so that's why I don't know much at all about you."**

"**I'm sorry. Let's not get into it, Louisa. Let's just have a fresh start this weekend."**

"**Yes, a fresh start. Let's forget all the stupid rubbish that has gone on between us. But Martin we do have to talk. We do have to know things about each other."**

**Martin looks solemnly at Louisa, embraces her and bends to kiss her. A lingering kiss follows and she feels as if she is melting into him – so warm, so soft, exactly what she wants after her hectic day. Suddenly, he breaks away saying, "Excuse me." Louisa watches as he walks down the hall to the bedroom. Going to the table she picks up the tea cups and carries them and the plate to the kitchen. She slowly chews the last piece of apple, rinses the tea cups and places them in the dishwasher along with the plate. **

**Martin still has not returned, so she walks to a bookshelf and looks at the titles. Mostly books on foreign affairs, travel and history, but there are several shelves brimming with art books. She opens one from the Victoria and Albert Museum and recalls her many visits to the museum with Danny when they were at university. Stuffed in the book is a program from a ceramic tile exhibit held at the museum's architectural wing several months ago. Exactly what Danny would want to see. Louisa closes the book quickly and places it on the shelf. A book about the Sydney Opera House seems more promising. She slowly turns its pages not really taking in anything as she waits for Martin.**

**A few times she looks toward the hall to see if he is coming back. She checks her watch and it is 8:45. Is he sick? Was he upset about her remark that he doesn't tell her things? Does he realize he made a big mistake having her in London and wants her to go away? She will give him until 9. If he doesn't return she'll ask if she should leave. At the thought, tears well up and she brushes them from her eyes. He has just kissed her quite forcefully and seemed reasonably happy to see her. That is the problem. She doesn't know Martin. She doesn't know what is normal behaviour for him and what upsets him. God, this was a mistake. Better they should have their tiffs in Portwenn where they could walk back to their respective houses and avoid each other for a few days. **

**Then Martin walks into the room with an expectant look. "Sorry, a few things needed attention. Could I bring you anything, Louisa - a glass of wine or more tea? I'm going to have a mineral water."**

**With a small cry of relief, Louisa runs to Martin and throws her arms around him. "Martin, I thought you were angry with me. I thought you wanted me to leave."**

"**What do you mean Louisa? I just had to use the lavatory and check some phone messages and emails. No, I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay. I want you to stay very much. Um, I noticed that your – uh - things are in the bath. Are we going to share – uh – the bedroom?"**

"**Martin, I thought that was what you wanted. Why you asked me here."**

"**Well, it is up to you. I don't want to presume."**

"**Look, Martin, I wrote reports most of the night and started meeting parents at dawn. Then I worked straight through until rushing to meet the train. During the trip I answered tedious emails and finished a proposal that the school's Board will likely reject. I've had a shower and carefully rubbed cream with absolutely no aroma on my body so there would be nothing to put you off. I am wearing a pretty lace bra and cleaned my teeth twice. I have known you nearly three years and wanted you for most of that time. And from the way you kissed me, I think that you want me too. I would like to share the bedroom with you, I would like to share the bed with you, I would like you to hold me, kiss me and make love to me. I think that is what you want as well, Martin, and I'm not going to have a row with you about presuming anything. Understand."**

"**So you don't want a glass of wine, then? Just kidding – come here."**

**Martin folds her into his arms and tells her a few things she has longed to hear. Despite his reassuring words, her frustrations with him erupt, and she tells him a few things he probably doesn't want to hear. And then he does something so unlike Martin: He smiles. No it is more of an apologetic grin, then he kisses her and says. "I know how you feel, I often feel the same about you." **

**It is her turn to apologize, but he stops her with a long, powerful kiss that leaves no doubt about his desire to share the bedroom. Martin half carries her down the long hall as they don't want to break the hold they have on each other. **

**X X X**

**After sleeping for several hours, Martin nudges her awake and murmurs: "I'm getting some water. Can I bring you anything?" **

**Louisa realizes that she is very hungry. Nothing but the apple since the sandwich on the train. "If you have a bit of cheese or some biscuits, I'm starving." With that her stomach rumbles loudly. **

**Martin nods his head and says: "Right, then, I hear you're hungry." He enters the bathroom and returns in his dressing gown. After Martin leaves, Louisa stretches, smiles, and goes to the loo. She picks up Martin's shirt lying next to the bed and puts it on against the cold air from the open window. She wees, splashes water on her face and cleans her teeth. Crawling back into bed, she pulls the duvet up to her chin and soon falls asleep. **

**She is brought around by Martin who is sitting beside her with a tray containing two glasses of water and a heavenly smelling plate of food. "I've brought you a cheese toast. My hall mother at school made these for us after we had been ill."**

**Louisa sits up, has a drink of water and picks up a quarter of the precisely cut bread. "Hmm, Martin. This is so good. It's just what I wanted." She finishes the second quarter in a few bites while smiling at Martin. He slowly drinks water and stares at Louisa. Louisa continues to eat and Martin clears his throat and says: "Um, you are wearing my shirt." Louisa laughs and says: "Sorry, a bit chilly in here and I grabbed it when I went to the loo."**

"**Oh right, so you know it's good to urinate following sexual intercourse as it rids the – um – area of bacteria."**

**Louisa glares at him and says: "Martin, do not do that again this weekend. I don't care about bodily functions, hygiene or any of your medical observations. You are only allowed to tell me I am beautiful or any other compliment you can muster. And you have to tell me more about your life before Portwenn. I don't even know where you went to school."**

"**Well, I went away to two schools before Oxford. The first from 5 to 10 years old and the second from 11 to 17."**

"**You were sent away to school when you were 5?"**


	4. Chapter 4

**A Belated Apology**

"**Yes, I did, Louisa. My father knew the head master at the school from the Royal Navy and persuaded him to take me at 5 rather than 7. I was tall for my age and was quite smart – could read and do maths. Had a good nanny who had been my baby nurse and remained with us because my parents paid her well to stay on. Her name is Emma Weaver. She is still doing baby nursing, and I try to see her for tea when I'm in London. Lovely woman with a good husband and two sons now both in the Foreign Office. She is a bit like my Aunty Joan, always lecturing me about this and that."**

"**Martin, did your parents ever spend time with you – during school breaks at least?"**

"**Not really. They would trot me out occasionally if their friends were having a do with children or if they could brag about my grades. Mostly they ignored me except for a slap if I wet the bed or did anything they found annoying."**

"**Wetting the bed, Martin - isn't that usually a medical problem?"**

"**Well, for the stellar reputation my father had as a surgeon, he really didn't bother fixing an easily-corrected problem I had. During a science course about the human body in Grade 6, I worked it out and asked dad if I could have surgery. A friend of his did it, and I was fine in a week. Bed wetting plagued my childhood until then. You can imagine what it's like to be sleeping in a common room with a group of boys who know you are the bedwetter and a pudgy one at that. **

"**When I was about 8, I trained myself to sleep in only two hour increments, go to the lavatory and then sleep for two more hours. That helped me when I was in med school and then in training. I could be awake in an instant and ready to work. I've gotten better about sleeping through the night, but it has taken years to break the habit.**

"**My parents and I finally had a big blow up about seven years ago when my Uncle Phil died. They would not come to the funeral, and it truly hurt Joan. My mother refused to talk to me, but my father and I had several very angry phone conversations. That's why I was shocked when they asked to visit me in Cornwall. As it turned out, they only came because they had lost most of their money in an appalling golf club scheme in Portugal. Mum was throwing dad out of their villa to move in her new boyfriend. That's right –her boyfriend."**

"**Martin, is that why you had to sell this flat?"**

"**Well, indirectly. Joan's uncle had left the farm to her and my father. Dad told her she and Phil could live at the farm and run it, but he did not need the money from it. Flat broke he had a different opinion and came to Cornwall to demand that Joan give him his share of the farm and pay rent for the 40 years she lived there. I sold this flat rather than make her sell the farm.".**

"**Martin, now I know why you were in such a foul mood when your parents were in Portwenn. Having to sell this lovely flat."**

"**Selling it wasn't as awful as I expected. The Cosgroves had been letting it since I left London. They were only too happy to buy it . They are generous and offered to have me stay here when they are out of town. I came to the building because Claire and Robert brought me one day to see the flat they were buying. Claire, of course, had an ulterior motive—to get me out of the rat-hole where I lived. This had been some sort of music institute and was sold to a developer when speculation in housing was rampant. The flats are a little odd, but the space is good. Sunlight comes into the big bedroom but not much in the lounge and dining room. The estate agent tried to talk me into another flat, but I liked this one. At the time, I was awake at sunrise and was out of the flat until night. I enjoyed a sunny bedroom in the morning and didn't care if the lounge was dark. Odd, I know, but it made sense at the time.**

"**So, yes, I was in a bad way because of my parents. But that was no excuse for me telling you to shut up. My mother and I had just finished a conversation that really undid me. She said very little to me during the visit and would go nowhere with me and my father."**

"**Yes, Danny told me that things were strained when you picked him up on the road."**

"**My parents don't like to be inconvenienced. They are very spoiled people. I found how self centered they were when my mother finally told me that their marriage had been wonderful until I came long and ruined it and then her entire life. As I think about it, she made no sense, and it was just the ranting of a narcissistic woman. But it really hurt me when she said she had wasted 40 years of her life with my father, and it was all my fault. I was so upset I couldn't speak and walked out the door to catch my breath. When you appeared, I was just beginning to get angry. I am so sorry I told you to shut up. I am so sorry, Louisa."**

"**Thank you for the apology, Martin, but more for explaining why. Often you seem angry when we talk, but I never understood why."**

"**It is not as much anger as impatience with people. I have been alone my entire life and rely on myself more than most people. When others can't do what I could easily do myself, I lose patience and – I suppose – become angry. I talked to a therapist once about it, and she said I could learn to manage that impatience as I had learned to overcome the bedwetting until I had surgery. But at the time, I was so busy, I could not carve out a few hours a week to see her. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't have developed haemophobia. Maybe it's all related. I have actually gotten better, but I know I am still rude and boorish. It is something I have to conquer."**

"**Martin, I can help you with that."**

"**You have helped me, Louisa. The more time I spend with you the more human I feel."**

"**Are you feeling human now?"**

**Martin smiles shyly, removes the tray from the bed and places it on a nearby table. Brushing Louisa's hair from her forehead, he kisses her. Louisa puts her arms around his neck and pulls him to her. **

**Somewhat later Louisa and Martin are lying on their backs and Louisa can feel a smile spreading across her face. Looking at Martin, she sees a similar look of wonderment. "Martin, what just happened."**

**"I can explain it medically, but I'm sure you prefer the romantic version, Louisa."**

**Laughing Louisa says: "Yes, Martin, explain it medically. I need sleep."**


	5. Chapter 5

**A Breakfast Together**

**Louisa awakens to a sun-filled room and realizes she is surrounded by beautiful works of art. Above one chest are two small landscapes which glow in the sunlight while the other walls are covered in stunning paintings. A large coastal scene appears to be from Scotland, and it could be an area she visited on summer holiday. On another wall, a painting reminds her of a Caravaggio hung in a museum she visited in Rome.**

**As her eyes move from painting to painting, Martin enters the room with a cup of coffee, smiles – somewhat smugly she thinks - and wishes her a good morning. **

"**Good morning to you," she almost sings. "Martin, the light in this room is fantastic and with the paintings – it's so beautiful."**

"**Yes. The first time I saw the flat after the Cosgroves moved in, I was amazed. Other than the kitchen and the bookcases in the lounge, I did little beyond the basic changes made by the rehabber. Claire Southwood's designer took me about London one Saturday selecting the kitchen cupboards and such. About two months later, my bank account was seriously diminished but I had the kitchen Claire thought I should have. I had always enjoyed cooking, but with that kitchen, I took it a little more seriously. Even went to some cookery courses where the teachers always complimented me on my knife techniques. Don't think I ever said I was a surgeon – unfair advantage and all."**

"**Well you made a brilliant job of it with the cheese toast last night." **

**Blushing slightly, Martin says, "I'm pleased you were satisfied."**

**Louisa groans and exclaims: "Martin, you really didn't say that, did you?"**

**Again, he reddens and simply nods his head.**

**Leaving the matter, Louisa comments: "It's so bright out – what time is it? We'll be late to the clock shop."**

"**A little after 8 and there's no rush or need to get to the clock shop, Louisa."**

"**But I thought you wanted to go there."**

"**I mentioned it but there is no need. Rest – no reason to hurry. I can make you breakfast. Are you hungry?"**

"**Martin, I am so hungry again. Maybe it's the London weather but I have been so hungry since I've gotten here."**

"**Would you like coffee first?"**

"**Um, no, really I like tea better. But I can make it – will only take a minute."**

"**Let me put on the kettle. And then I'll make your breakfast. What do you want?"**

"**Eggs … toast… fruit or juice if you have some."**

"**3 minute egg?**

"**Ugh, no scrambled – I don't like runny eggs."**

"**I didn't know that."**

"**No, I suppose you didn't, Martin."**

"**Um, right. I will make you scrambled eggs and toast and whatever else I can find to fill you up."**

**Louisa laughs and says: "I'll have a shower and be right there."**

**Martin leaves the bedroom and Louisa scoots to the loo, does the necessary and then starts the shower which it seems was just used by Martin. Standing in the warm water, Louisa smiles as she recalls the early hours of the morning. After waiting so long to make love, their first time was wonderful, if a bit frenzied. She was more relaxed the second time as she eagerly responded to Martin's unexpected finesse. Her breasts tingle as she recalls Martin's hands and kisses on her body. He was so thoughtful, sweet and, she blushes as she thinks it, quite passionate. Only one awkward moment occurred when her leg cramped and Martin helpfully suggested she increase her potassium intake. She felt him tense awaiting her rebuke. Instead she kissed him as he massaged her leg and the cramp disappeared. **

**Out of the shower, she applies moisturizer and lotion and cleans her teeth – no kissing Martin without that. Her hair has become quite wild. To help control it, she braids it and fastens it with a band. Then she dons her dressing gown and walks to the dining room. Two places are laid at the table with a pot of tea and a cup at one side and a cup of coffee on the opposite side. Martin is in the kitchen pulling out toast. He walks to her, gives her a quick hug and kiss on the forehead and tells her breakfast is ready.**

**Martin brings her a plate with scrambled eggs and a broiled tomatoe. He places a bowl of grapefruit in front of each place and a rack of toast between the bowls. Then he brings in butter and a pot of marmalade. Louisa sits down and pours a cup of tea. Noticing there is no milk or sugar, she goes to the kitchen, removes the jug of milk from the fridge and picks up the sugar bowl. Martin looks at her quizzically and says: "I didn't realize you like milk and sugar in your tea."**

"**Yes, Martin, that's how I drink tea. But I do drink coffee with no milk or sugar. How do you have your tea?"**

"**White but no sugar. Coffee I have black, but for tea I have milk."**

"**Good to know."**

**Martin tilts his head and says: "I see, another thing we didn't know about each other. This weekend might be useful."**

**Louisa pats him on the back and says: "Come on. I'm starved."**

**For himself, Martin brings an egg in a cup in one hand and salt and pepper shaker in another. "Do you like salt and pepper on your eggs?"  
><strong>

"**Yes, but I'm sure you don't."**

"**That's right. You know that most food has enough sodium, and salt is not needed."**

"**Does most food have enough pepper too?"**

**Laughing, he says: "Okay, I'll stop."**

**Louisa sprinkles pepper on her eggs and tomatoe but just a pinch of salt. Then she breaks off a piece of toast, butters it and adds marmalade. Martin is cracking the top of his egg and watching Louisa.**

"**What is it? Are you concerned that I'm having too many carbohydrates and sugar? I'm really hungry, Martin, and I think I deserve one weekend where I can eat what I want." With that she takes a bite of toast and then a piece of tomatoe with egg. Martin begins to eat his egg and then spreads butter and marmalade on a piece of toast. **

**Louisa laughs and says: "I'm a bad influence on you."**

**Martin nods and says: "It really is good Louisa, and I'm very hungry too." They continue to eat for a few minutes. Louisa notices the flowers and exclaims: "Oh Martin, I forgot to thank you for the flowers. It was so thoughtful of you. They are pretty and I was so happy to see them when I arrived."**

**Martin looks at the flowers absentmindedly and asks: "Why do women like flowers so much?"**

"**Well, unlike you Martin, many people – not just women – think flowers smell good and are pretty. Throughout history they've always been a romantic symbol, and I think women like romance. As you know, it's part of our emotional nature."**

"**Ah, yes, emotions, mood swings, cycles, pheromones, the things I cannot mention."**

"**That's right. But you can talk about your life, your interests, your likes and dislikes, how you became Martin Ellingham."**

"**What about you? How did you become Louisa Glasson? I probably know more about you, but I don't know much about your childhood. Did your parents send you away to school when you were 5?"**

"**As a matter of fact, they did. But it was just up the hill to Portwenn Primary. Since I was born, my mother had been in and out of Portwenn with various friends and – now I know – lovers. My father always took her back, but it would last only a few weeks. The summer I was 5, she left completely. My father had a job in St. Austell – well sort of a job – and asked the head if I could start school a year early. Like you, I could read and do maths. **

**Not really having a strict work schedule, when my father was home he would read to me endlessly, so I picked up reading quickly. The fishermen coming into the harbor let me count fish and coins to occupy me while my father tried to snooker tourists. Strange way to learn maths, but that's how I started. School was a new world to me. Until then, routine was not a part of my life. I slept when my father slept, woke up when he did and ate when and whatever food he could scrounge together. **

"**My teacher that year was from London. Village gossip was that she came to Portwenn when her fiancé was killed in a road accident. She was broken hearted and about as lonely as I was, so she took me under her wing. My love of learning and teaching came from her. She went back to London at the end of the year and eventually was married. She's living in Manchester now, and I still hear from her at Christmas. **

"**After such a good start that year, I did very well through primary school. When I was 9 my father was having legal scrapes and would disappear for days at a time. The constable knew I was mostly by myself in our old cottage, but everyone kept an eye out for me. If my father hadn't appeared by half 8, I would knock on someone's door and ask if I could stay the night. Tom McNulty at the pub, Bert and Mary Large as well as many others took me in and made sure I had meals. At school, I had free lunch and the teachers and staff were very kind. Sometimes when my father had money, he would stock up on tins of milk and soup for me. Your Aunt Joan and Uncle Phil dropped off eggs and vegetables when they could. My father taught me enough about cooking to keep me going. **

**The Child Protective Committee would cringe if they knew how the village sheltered me, but that is how we did things in Portwenn . I wasn't the only child living this way. There were others whose mother, father or both worked away from Portwenn and returned on Saturday or Sunday. Usually, though, there were three or four children so it didn't seem so lonely for them. I was never bothered though. I had my books and, if I needed something, I went to the harbor or to the pub to find someone to help me. Mostly, I stayed with my father or someone from the village."**

"**Louisa, oh, Louisa."**

"**It really wasn't bad, Martin. I had a good childhood. In Grade 6 a new girl moved to the village whose father was a painter and whose mother was a writer – poetry as I recall. The father had a commission from a wildlife society to paint pictures of birds and sea grasses. Grace – my friend's name was Grace Remington – was very bright and we became fast friends. I spent most of my time at her house – the house where Mrs. Selkirk now lives. Her mother would walk to meet us after school, then we'd have tea at Grace's house. On weekends, I stayed with them unless my father was in Portwenn. One weekend Grace asked if she could come to the cottage. We had a grand time, but when she told her mother I had no parents, the mother went to the head of school and told him I lived by myself. It caused a bit of a stir, and Grace never came back to our cottage."**

**Louisa looks up at Martin and sees how concerned he looks. She goes to him, puts her arm around him, leans on his shoulder and says, "Martin, really, it was fine. It wasn't some Dickensian thing. Portwenn was very safe. Nothing remotely bad ever happened to me. As you have noticed, I became very independent. I didn't think it was unusual or that I was bad off in any way. I didn't have much money, but no one in Portwenn had money. All of us looked out for each other. That's why I am so fiercely loyal to the village. Many people have done so much for me. Oh, Martin, let's go for a walk and get some air. Take me to the clock shop."**

"**We'll go for a walk and see if we get to the shop. It's so sunny today – a walk would be good."**

**Martin comes to Louisa, pulls her to her feet and kisses her while tugging at her braid.**

"**Are you going to wear this on the walk?"**

"**No, I just pulled my hair into a braid so it wouldn't be so messy. Here, I'll undo it." Louisa removes the band and Martin loosens the braid."**

"**That feels good," say Louisa. "Yes, it would," responds Martin. **

**Martin kisses Louisa again and holds her for a minute or so. Louisa looks at him and says: "I'll do the washing up while you dress."**

**After she finishes in the kitchen, Louisa looks out the dining room window and spots two women with gleaming blonde hair. They are wearing fitted blue running suits and look quite sleek. Louisa feels a little tatty and decides to wear makeup and a smart outfit for the walk. In the bedroom, she finds Martin is in the bath along with her makeup. She puts on her underwear and tights and a paisley print skirt she hopes is right for London. Although seeing Claire Southwood last night, she worries that she should be wearing something more sophisticated – maybe black trousers, jumper and a scarf. As she is straightening the bed clothes, Martin enters the bedroom. Seeing her in the skirt and bra, he wrinkles his brow and asks: "Forget something, Louisa."**

**She is about to make a snide remark when she notices that he is wearing chino trousers and a check shirt with a blue jumper over it. Not pausing, she smiles and says: "You look nice. Let me finish in the loo, and I'll put on a jersey. I promise not to embarrass you by running about London in my bra."**

"**I'll leave you to it while I check emails."**

"**I suppose I should too," says Louisa as she walks into the loo. After finishing her makeup and smoothing on hand lotion, Louisa fits on her ring, watch and the pearl earrings from her grandmother. Her father gave the earrings to Louisa when she finished university and shamelessly told her they were the only thing from his family that he hadn't sold or gambled away.**

**During one of her mother's infrequent trips to Portwenn, she insisted on buying the ring for Louisa's 16****th**** birthday. They found the ring in the Harbor Shop usually favored by tourists. Ruth Hardesty, the old owner of the shop, told Louisa that it had come from an estate in Cornwall whose owner had fallen on hard times and had to sell her jewelry. It is a pretty ring with a small garnet and has mostly sentimental value. However, Louisa cherishes it as a connection to her mother. **

**In the bedroom, Louisa pulls on a rust colored jersey which compliments the colors in her skirt. Then she gathers her hair into a ponytail and fastens it with a band. She slips on low heeled shoes and walks to the lounge. **

**Turning on her computer, she is pleased to see only three emails and not one from Stu MacKenzie. Two are from teachers asking for time to discuss pupils with problems. The last is from Caroline reminding her that if Martin is grumpy, she will get Louisa out of London quickly. Caroline is the only one who knows why she's in London. Louisa told staff and anyone who asked that she was taking a weekend course in grant writing for the school. When Louisa saw Martin's Aunt Joan on Thursday, she said, "I hear you're going to London this weekend. You know Martin's there for a conference. Maybe you'll run into him." Louisa could only mumble, "maybe" and dash away from Joan. Had she looked over her shoulder, she would have seen Joan's triumphant smile. Louisa's reaction had confirmed her suspicion that Martin and Louisa were spending the weekend together. **

**Louisa responds to Caroline that so far Martin has been wonderful. Almost as soon as she hits "Send," Caroline replies: "And?" Louisa laughs and answers: "In the words of Martin Ellingham, mind your own business." Caroline returns with: "Will stop. Have fun." She looks up from her computer and sees Martin. Blushing, Louisa stammers that she has finished her emails and closes the computer. Martin responds: "Good. Let's get on with it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A Saturday Stroll**

**At the door, Martin spots a small white envelope on the floor addressed to "Louisa and Martin." He looks about and says someone must have slipped it under the door. "Should I open it?" "Of course," responds Louisa.**

**After reading the contents, Martin furrows his brow and says:**

"**It's a note from Claire Southwood wishing us a good weekend and saying she enjoyed meeting you. Why did she send a note if she just saw us last night?"**

"**I don't know, but it was a nice thing to do."**

"**Why do women spend all their time doing nice things and saying nice things to each other. Isn't that a waste of time? If you see someone, why do you have to send them a note?"**

"**I seem to recall that you sent me a note after your interview at the hotel near Tintagel. You said it was good meeting me and that you looked forward to taking up your duties as the GP in Portwenn." **

"**Yes, but that's what you do after an interview. I sent the same note to everyone on the panel. In fact, I wasn't certain if I should send you a note at all because we – uh – did not seem to get on well."**

**Laughing, Louisa says: "That's an understatement, but you did diagnose my glaucoma."**

"**I should have put that in the note. At least I did something for you that day." **

**Martin and Louisa leave the flat and he tucks the note into his coat pocket. As they walk to the lift, Louisa reaches for Martin's hand but he does not take it. Oh no, she thinks, he is concerned that someone he knows will see us. In the lift they say nothing during the short trip to the reception area. No one is there, but a young woman at the front desk who smiles and says: "Good morning, beautiful day we are having. Would you like the newspapers?"  
><strong>

**Martin gruffly responds: "We'll pick them up when we return." Louisa smiles and says: Thank you. We should be back soon."**

**They walk through the vestibule and are greeted with a rush of cold air. Louisa turns to Martin and says: "It's a bit chillier than it looks with all the sun."**

"**The clock shop is about 10 blocks away, and we can take a taxi if it's too cold."**

"**That's fine, Martin. The air feels good. I need to clear my head."**

**They walk the first block saying nothing. At the corner, there is a traffic signal with an amber light and Martin reflexively takes Louisa's arm to stop her. She looks up at him and smiles. When the light changes he says: "We can go now." **

**With Martin finally talking, Louisa asks how he came to be interested in clocks. It began in a university physics class. His professor brought in a very old mechanical clock with all manner of weights, gears and levers. Pupils took the clock apart to see how it operated. At the end of several classes, the clock was in pieces. When Martin asked the professor if he could help put the clock right, the professor said he was retiring and there was no need to restore the clock. Martin could have it if he liked. **

**It took about a year to put that clock in operating order. Martin made many mistakes but became fascinated with the clock's mechanism. After the first was finished, he went to a few antique shops looking for old clocks. Most were horribly expensive, so one of the antique dealers told him about Mr. Frazier, who repaired clocks but also restored antique clocks. Sometimes he found clocks which weren't worth his effort and sold them as they were. Putting so many small parts together was tedious. However, Martin found the parallels to surgery obvious and believed repairing the clocks honed his surgical skills.**

**Martin and Louisa continue their stroll to the clock shop in what Louisa hopes is a ****companionable silence. Occasionally, Martin points out an historic building or Louisa comments on a garden or house. As they round a corner, they see a church with a market underway in the courtyard. Martin says: "Oh, I forgot about this. Every Saturday the church has an antiques market. I once found a small clock here and they have some good stalls."**

"**I might see something here for Caroline. Her birthday is next week, and she loves this sort of thing."**

**Walking into the courtyard, Martin spies an antiques book stall and says; "While you're looking for Caroline's present, let me see that book dealer. He often has interesting medical books or prints." Louisa smiles, only too relieved that she won't have to look through ancient medical texts. She walks by a jewelry stall but nothing catches her eyes. In a smaller, nearby area a woman is unpacking cartons of what seem to be small boxes. Louisa asks her if they are antiques. They are actually copies the woman has made of Battersea boxes. They cost between 20 and 30 pounds – much less than an antique. Caroline has a collection of small, pretty boxes – some old and some new. One would be a perfect birthday gift. Caroline would be thrilled knowing that Louisa found the present during her secret getaway with Martin. This is Caroline's 40****th**** birthday, and she is a bit sad about it. Louisa will do it up right for her!"**

**As she looks at the boxes, Louisa feels something strange at her right foot and looks down to see a terrier sniffing at her shoe. Attached to the terrier is a leash held by a man in jeans and a thick black jumper. He is also looking at the boxes. Glancing at Louisa, he comments: "Oh, sorry, is my dog bothering you?" **

"**No, no" says Louisa, "I like dogs." **

"**Good," says the man who smiles at Louisa and asks: "What do you think of these boxes?"**

"**They're interesting. I'm looking for a birthday gift for a friend. Only trying to find the right one."**

"**Is your friend a man or woman?"**

"**She's a woman who will be celebrating her 40****th**** birthday."**

"**Did you go to school with her?"**

"**No, we are friends at home in Cornwall."**

"**I knew you couldn't be anywhere near 40."**

**Louisa laughs and asks: "Do you have any 40 year old friends from school?"**

"**Touche! Most of my friends are my age – early 30s"**

"**What do you do in London besides walk your dog?"**

"**Oh, bit of a yawn, but I'm a solicitor. Lots of contracts, paperwork, but I like the back and forth of it all. My firm is at Canary Wharf – a great spot and I live near the office. I came by the market because my sister and some of her friends from university are having a fundraising booth for literacy programs."**

"**Oh, that's very good of them. At my school we are always raising money. I'm trying to find grants for several programs we need terribly."**

"**My firm does work with educational grants. After you find your friend's birthday gift, would you like to have coffee and talk about grants?"**

**Before Louisa can respond, she sees Martin striding toward them with two books tucked under his arm and an odd look on his face. As he reaches them, Martin extends his hand and says: "Jack, how are you." Seeming puzzled, the man takes Martin's hand and asks "What are you doing here in London?" **

"**Don't worry. Just in for a conference. No legal matters for Calvin Nothquitt to clear up for me." **

**Louisa asks: "So you and Martin know each other?" Jack seems surprised that Louisa also knows Martin and says: "Yes, Mr. Nothquitt had me work on some contracts for Dr. Ellingham and handle the sale of his flat last year. I hope everything is going well for your aunt. She's a bit feisty, but we had several good talks while we were working out the details. She invited me to her farm in Cornwall, and I'm trying to get down there in the summer."**

"**No need for that," says Martin, "she'll only put you to work collecting eggs and digging potatoes." Jack laughs and says: "I'll bear that in mind." Turning to Louisa, he adds: "I enjoyed talking with you, and I'm sure you'll find the right gift for your friend. Dr. Ellingham, this is not something you want to hear from a solicitor, but I hope to see you again." Martin responds: "Agreed." Jack and his dog walk across the courtyard toward the literacy booth.**

"**Small world, Louisa. I wonder if he saw me with you earlier and wanted to say hello."**

"**Well, Martin, I think he was actually trying to chat me up He has all the pinnings of wanting to meet women: cute dog to start a conversation, fresh scrubbed look, and the right chit chat to put a woman at ease. And I hadn't said two words before he dropped that he's a solicitor."**

"**Louisa, you are probably exaggerating. I found Jack to be a very serious young man who took top honors at law school. Nothquitt wouldn't have him at his firm if he weren't a gentleman."**

"**No, I can tell. He was chatting me up and even asked me to have coffee with him."**

**Martin looks indulgently at Louisa and says: "You are much too old for him – he's probably not even 30."**

**Playfully swatting Martin on his arm she says: "So you think I am an ugly, old crone who 30 year old men don't find attractive?"**

"**No, no, that's not what I meant at all. Well, maybe he did find you attractive. I know I did when I first saw you."**

"**Really – that wasn't my impression."**

"**Uh, well, when you boarded the plane and sat opposite me, I did see that you were – uh – pretty."**

"**Actually, Martin, when you looked at me over your paper, I thought you could be interesting and hoped that you would talk to me. But then you just got weird as you continued to stare at me."**

"**Yes, I felt bad for making you uncomfortable, but I did notice the glaucoma in your eye almost as soon as you sat down and smiled at me."**

"**I don't recall smiling at you Martin."**

"**You did. You smiled and said 'good day for a flight I hope.'"**

"**And you responded by ducking behind your newspaper." **

"**Yes, but when you turned your head toward the window, the glaucoma was more pronounced. I was trying to see your eye. That's why I stared at you. Later, during the interview break, Hillary Richards and I were talking about school-related illnesses. She said that you'd controlled them very well at the primary school and seemed to be keen on health matters. I wanted to ask you about that, but you gave me such a cold look when I approached you. Then, at the end of the interview, you all but scuttled my appointment as the Portwenn GP."**

"**Martin, that's not true! You had everyone on that panel eating out of your hand. The great surgeon deigns to come to a little village and take care of the people. I only wanted to make sure you understood that being the GP in Portwenn was more than handing out medicine and fixing scrapes. As it turns out, I was right about your lack of a bedside manner. Yet you are a fine doctor and sometimes we just ****have to take the bad with the good.**

"**If I had known what you were like, Martin, I would've still challenged you. But I may have stayed around a bit to have a word with you. I tried not to like you during that interview, even though there was something about you that – I can finally admit to you – I found appealing. You were so self-confident and smart but also polite and soft spoken. At several points, I had no idea what you and the medical people were discussing. But I was fascinated by your voice and your manner. When I confronted you after leaving the meeting, you asked about my eye and touched my face. Something clicked. Then as you looked over your shoulder at me and bumped into the door, I thought you must have felt something as well."**

"**Not very graceful. You probably thought I was a total loon. When I got to Portwenn and saw you wearing an eyepatch, I realized you heeded my advice and hadn't thought me a complete fool."**

**Louisa smiles and says, "Let me get back to it – which of these boxes do you think Caroline will like?"**

"**What are they for?"**

**Rolling her eyes, Louisa says: "They are just decorative - something Caroline would fancy. Which one: the flower, the blue and gold design or the pink and white?"**

"**Hum, I'm not good at this, you choose."**

**She selects the dainty pink and white box. After paying the artist, Louisa tucks the wrapped gift into her bag and asks Martin if he wants to add his books.**

**"No, much too heavy. They have drawings on thick paper of the circulatory system, circa 1780. I can carry them. Ready to move on?"**

**Louisa nods and Martin takes her hand, leading her from the courtyard. As they walk past the literacy booth, Jack is talking to the young women and waves at them. Louisa smiles, Martin nods and holds her hand tighter.**

**In the next block there are many shops and more people about. Some with children in buggies, older people with shopping and a group of skateboarders who remind Louisa of the surfers in Portwenn. A number of dogs are being walked and Martin tries to avoid them. Louisa laughs and says: "Don't worry Martin, unlike Portwenn, dogs in London have to be leashed. They won't bother you." Martin leans over and kisses her on the top of her head. She is surprised by this display of affection and clasps his hand. **

**Soon, Martin leads her across a street to Mr. Frazier's clock shop. Looking like something from a fairytale, it has a Tudor façade with several long, narrow windows and a wide window on the second story. Clocks are stuffed into every window and a big clock is mounted above the entry. A small sign reads: "Frazier's Clocks." Louisa laughs and asks: "Do you think he really needs the sign?"**

**Sighing, Martin says: "Mr. Frazier can't resist a clock. Be careful in the shop. There are clocks everywhere."**

**When they enter the shop, Mr. Frazier is talking with an older woman who is dropping off a small clock for repair. He nods at Martin and Louisa saying: "Have a look around. I have a few new things in the back you'll want to see."**

**Martin wanders through the shop and Louisa follows him, taking in the enormity of Mr. Frazier's clock collection. Martin ducks under a lintel into what seems to be a workroom. On the table there are several clocks which draw Martin's attention. As he begins to examine them, he says: "So you think that young solicitor was really chatting you up?"**

"**It seemed that way. Maybe I'm just being a bit silly."**

**Martin throws his arm around Louisa's shoulder and says: "He can't have you. You're all mine." He pulls Louisa to him and kisses her. When he lets her go, she has to catch her breath – both because of the force of his kiss and her surprise at his comment. Still speechless, she joins Martin in looking at the clocks. **

**A few minutes later, Mr. Frazier calls "Martin, Martin—are you in the workroom?"**

"**Yes – we've found the clocks." Mr. Frazier walks into the room and asks Louisa: "Are you Martin's girlfriend?" Before she can respond, Martin says: "This is Louisa Glasson from Cornwall. She's visiting London, and I thought she might want to see your clock shop."**

**For the second time in minutes, Louisa is speechless. She's not Martin's "girlfriend," but only someone from Cornwall. She isn't staying with Martin, sleeping with him, revealing her deepest thoughts, she is only visiting London. Why can't Martin tell anyone that she means something to him? **

**Certainly Jack, the solicitor, put two and two together and realized Louisa was from Cornwall, Martin was living in Cornwall and they were together in London. Did Martin think Jack supposed they were staying in separate hotel rooms, and that ****Martin was just showing her about the big city. She'd bet a quid that Jack would soon be telling his colleagues: "You know Martin Ellingham, that stuffy doctor who sees Mr. Nothquitt? I ran into a woman at an antiques market and tried to chat her up. Turns out she came from Cornwall with him for the weekend. Yes, she really is pretty and not at all what you'd think. Maybe Ellingham is more of a rooster than we thought."**


	7. Chapter 7

**A Visit to the Clock Shop**

**Mr. Frazier smiles at Louisa and asks: "Have a cup of tea, dear?" Louisa declines his kind offer and asks if she may use the loo. This will give her a minute to collect herself after Martin's puzzling behaviour. He directs her to the lavatory at the side of the shop. After freshening her lipstick and tightening the band on her ponytail, her stomach rumbles and Louisa once again feels so very hungry. What is happening? At school she goes from breakfast to teatime without a bite. Why has she been so bloody hungry in London? Cupping her hands, she drinks water from the tap, hoping it will fill her stomach and stop the rumbling.**

**When she returns to the workroom, Martin is examining a rather large mantel clock. The two books he bought are lying on the table, and she picks up one and looks through it. The print is very faded, but the illustrations are brilliantly colored. Maybe they used a special dye or process that kept them from fading. One illustration shows the entire body with various labels in what she thinks is Greek. Martin looks at her and says: "That book was very advanced at the time. Whoever illustrated it was given good guidance about the human body and skeletal system. It is written in English, but I think the illustrator was Greek given the labels. Read through it. You'll find it interesting."**

**At least Martin thinks she has some intelligence and interest in medicine. She smiles at him and asks if he likes any of the clocks. He is considering buying the large clock but it has many missing parts that Mr. Frazier may not be able to find. As Louisa returns to the book, Martin's mobile rings. He looks exasperated and answers: "Ellingham!" Then his face softens and she hears his side of the conversation.**

"**Oh, hello, Chris. Yes, I did stay in London for the weekend. Um, yes. She is here. We are at the clock shop right now. So Claire phoned Susan. I see." Martin glances at Louisa and looks a little miffed. He returns to the phone: "Let me ask her. I'm not sure if it's a good time. She might have to get back. No, Chris, don't put Susan on. No, really, don't do that. Hello, Susan. Yes, Chris said that. Right I know you haven't met her. But Chris has, so that should be good enough. It might not be a convenient time." Louisa looks questioningly at Martin and he puts his hand over the phone: "It's Chris Parsons and now I have to talk to his wife." **

**Back on the phone, he says: "Okay, Susan, I will ask her but she really isn't hungry. Well, I do know that because she hasn't said she's hungry. No need to talk to her Susan, she is – uh - reading a book. Yes, we are at the clock shop, but she is looking at a book I bought with medical illustrations. Well, she doesn't seem to think it's a boring book. She has to know these things for her school. Children do get ill you know. It might be beside the point, but you asked what she was doing and why she couldn't have lunch. Maybe if you come to Portwenn we could have lunch. Chris knows the pub there. He likes it. Susan, really don't start that. I do care about you and Chris." After listening to Susan a bit more, Martin sighs and says: "Fine, let me ask her."**

**Martin turns to Louisa: "Susan Parsons came to London with Chris for the conference and wants you to meet her and Chris for lunch today. I told her you didn't want to, but she said we had to have lunch at some point." Louisa looks at Martin and says quite loudly: "I would love to have lunch with Chris and Susan." Martin glares at her and returns to the phone: "Right, you heard that. She said she would have lunch with you. Well, of course, I'll come too. Where shall we meet? No, just give me the address. We'll take a taxi if need be. So, 1 at Pesca. Now what's the address." He takes a pen from his pocket and jots something on a piece of paper lying on the table. Then he says: "Thank you, Susan, for asking her to lunch. Yes, for asking both of us. We'll see you then. Good bye."**

**Martin goes to the phone's contact setting and punches in the name and address of the restaurant. He seems a little uneasy, so Louisa remains quiet. Finally, Martin says: "Louisa, I'm sorry. Claire Southwood likes to interfere in people's lives. She called Susan and told her you were in London with me. Susan has been bothering Chris since her call, and he won't have a minute's peace until Susan meets you. She really is a nice woman and a good psychologist, but she has three little kids. When she gets away from them, Chris thinks she becomes a bit unhinged."**

**Louisa rubs his arm and says: "Don't worry Martin, I'll be on my best behaviour. And, I'm hungry again!"**

"**Well this is an Italian restaurant one of Susan's Cambridge friends recommended. You'll probably get little to eat. Some struggling poet will be reading his work in a corner or a dreary woman will be singing off key." Louisa smiles and say: "Martin it will be good. Susan is right, we do have to eat lunch."**

**While Martin returns to the clocks, Louisa wanders through the shop and notices a small jewelry case next to a stack of boxes. She asks Mr. Frazier if he also sells jewelry. Occasionally he'll take antique jewelry on consignment. If she fancies anything, he can show it to her. Louisa sees a striking necklace with pale gray beads and a hammered bronze disc at the center. She asks to try it, and Mr. Frazier opens the case and fastens it around her neck. It looks perfect against her jersey and picks up the colors in her skirt. It's not something Louisa would ordinarily wear but it just seems so right with this outfit. She asks Mr. Frazier the price, and he says he hasn't appraised it yet, so there is no price. Martin walks into the shop area and says: "That looks very nice on you. Let me get it for you."**

**"Oh, no, Martin. Mr. Frazier was just letting me try it."**

**"It looks good with your – dress – so leave it on. I would like you to have it Louisa." **

**She holds the necklace out and gazes at it and then turns to Martin: "Thank you, but I wasn't hinting that you buy it for me."**

"**Yes, I know. I've wanted to – or thought of – having a gift for you this weekend. But I couldn't think of what you might like. Let me get Mr. Frazier to organize all of this and then we can meet that dreadful Susan Parsons."**

**Martin walks to the front of the shop with Mr. Frazier and hands him a card. She is somewhat embarrassed watching Martin pay for the necklace, so she returns to the workshop to collect his two books. As she passes a mirror, she looks at the necklace and wonders what Susan Parsons will think of her ponytail. Caroline has lately urged her to cut her hair, saying women around 40 look ridiculous with long hair. Although she reminded Caroline there are four years until her 40****th****, she is concerned that Susan Parsons may find her ponytail a bit unsophisticated. Removing the band, she lowers her hair to the nape of her neck and fastens it with a clasp found at the bottom of her bag. **

**Why is she worried about this lunch? She has known Chris Parsons for several years, and they get on well. Chris persuaded her to be a lay member of the PCT board after she so deftly handled the flu outbreak at school. Then he supported her application for the Healthy Schools Program, and Portwenn Primary was one of the first schools in Cornwall to be accredited. She can't imagine he would marry a dreadful woman. Susan is probably a younger version of Claire Southwood – very warm and kind. Chris once told Louisa that Susan's mother had been head of a primary school in Cambridge where her father was a don. Actually, Louisa is looking forward to meeting Susan and seeing how Martin behaves around her and Chris. **

**With her hair re-done, Louisa joins Martin at the front of the shop. There, Martin is shaking Mr. Frazier's hand and thanking him for shipping the clock. He takes the heavy books from Louisa and asks Mr. Frazier if he could send them along with the clock. Mr. Frazier will do so and include the new tool Martin ordered. They thank Mr. Frazier and leave the shop. Mr. Frazier calls after them: "Have a splendid weekend," while thinking: Ellingham, you lucky sod, you. How could you not have a splendid weekend with that charming girl.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A Lunch with Old Friends**

**Outside the clock shop, Martin checks the time and location of the restaurant on his mobile. Pesca is about a mile away, and it's nearly noon. If it's okay with Martin, Louisa would like to walk, hoping it will distract her from her growing hunger. Just let Martin hear her stomach rumble, and he will make her eat now. She definitely does not want him to think she's always hungry! But it seems she is – at least in London.**

**Shops line the streets, and Louisa enjoys strolling by them. Martin humors her by looking in their windows and nodding when she comments on the displays. Hopefully, they will see another book store or shop that Martin will like. Her wish is soon granted as she spots a large book store ahead. It is not an antique bookseller but one of the big chains with a coffee bar. She suspects Martin will hate it, and is surprised when he asks: "Could we go in here for a minute?" Martin leads her to the music department in the back of the store. A clerk directs them to the classics section where he selects an Arnold Bax CD and a new recording of a Brahms' symphony by the Berlin Philharmonic. Louisa is even more surprised when he asks the clerk for a CD by The Pogues, a rowdy Irish group from the 1980s.**

"**Martin, really, 'The Pogues'?" When I was at university, their music was played at the Irish pubs in Deptford. I haven't heard it in years."**

"**Don't you listen to your friend Caroline's radio programme? She's been playing their music and claims they're popular again. Their music is so infectious, I thought it might keep me awake when I'm slogging about the moors on night calls."**

"**Claire Southwood was right – there's more to you than meets the eye!"**

"**Oh, blast Claire Southwood and her bloody call to Susan Parsons!"**

**Louisa laughs and tells Martin she is going to search out a book for her reading group. It's fairly long, and she can start reading it on the train back to Portwenn. He trails behind her but then walks over to the non-fiction area. Louisa finds the book "Cutting For Stone" and is reading the introduction when Martin returns with a book.**

**"What's your book about, Louisa?"**

"**Twin brothers born to an Indian nun and a British surgeon. Very intriguing story set in Ethiopia."**

"**I didn't know there are Indian nuns."**

"**But you do know that there are British surgeons," laughs Louisa.**

**Martin shakes his head and displays the tiniest of grins.**

"**What book do you have then?" **

"**Oh, it's about a woman named Henrietta Lacks who was treated for cervical cancer in the 1950s at Johns Hopkins in the States. Cells removed from her body were cultured and used in research without her permission. Those original cells spawned generations of cells still in use today. Assorted medical and ethical dilemmas ensued. It was all the Americans could talk about at the conference. But they did pique my curiosity about the book."**

"**Oh, I know Johns Hopkins – when I was in the States, we visited the Baltimore aquarium and it was near that hospital." **

"**When were you in the States?"**

"**Oh, a long time ago when I was an au pair girl. I thought you knew."**

"**No, you never said anything about the States. Maybe, Susan Parsons can quiz you about it at lunch and not bother me." **

**Louisa pats him on the arm and says: "Not likely."**

**As they approach the till, Martin offers to buy Louisa's book, and she declines. She offers to buy his, and he declines. So they stand together in queue. Louisa sees some sweets being sold at the till and asks Martin if he would like one. He says "no," and then almost immediately says, "yes." She pays for her book and the two toffees and waits for Martin. **

**Outside the store, Louisa says: "Look, I know you don't approve of how I eat, but sometimes I just want a sweet. It won't spoil my lunch. If you want to wait, that's okay." Martin takes a toffee from her, unwraps it and pops it into his mouth. Louisa joins him. They walk in bliss as the chocolate covered toffee slowly melts. A few minutes later, Martin says: "Thank you for not letting me be such a prig about everything." Louisa simply says: "You're welcome." Then she reaches for his hand, and he doesn't pull away. Small victories, thinks Louisa. **

**Passing an art gallery, Martin spots some pen and ink sketches originally published in "Paris Match." They enter and find the gallery filled with people dressed in black and wearing very fashionable eyewear. Most are holding mobiles, which they closely monitor for the next email or text message. Martin mumbles "Let's go," but not before an elegant woman asks Louisa where she found her necklace. Ever helpful, Louisa says she has just gotten it from Mr. Frazier's clock shop. Martin gives the woman the shop's address, and she seems quite pleased to have it. As they leave, she calls: "ciao." Martin grimaces and says: "That's one thing I don't miss about London: All the fake sophistication. When I began drinking espresso at St. Thomas's all the other consultants had an espresso machine within the week."**

"**How did you start drinking espresso then?"**

"**On Sundays, I sometimes had lunch at this small Italian restaurant near my flat. The food was decent and cheap, so theatre people from Albert Hall and students liked it. They served espresso, and I found it delicious. The two men who ran it were Pakistanis, and I never quite got how they came to have an Italian restaurant. But I did learn that one of them had an Italian girlfriend whose father sold espresso and cappuccino makers and gave them the machines. On Thursday, I stopped by and it's been replaced by an Indian take away. They still have the coffee machines, and I had an espresso that tasted about the same. But things change."**

**Martin glances at this watch and takes out his mobile. Looking at the map, he notes they are about two blocks from the restaurant. It is 12:50, so they will be on time. He holds his mobile, so that Louisa can see the route. Then he comments that he would be lost in London without this new device as so much has changed.**

**Louisa smiles and says; "Yes, things change."**

"**Fortunately, things change," he responds.**

**She squeezes his hand as they walk toward the restaurant. **

**At Pesca, Martin tells the maitre d' they are meeting the Parsons. A table has been reserved for them, but they haven't yet arrived. He takes their coats and leads them to the table. When Martin excuses himself, Louisa quickly checks her lipstick and hair. She is pleased to see how good the necklace looks, but feels guilty that Martin bought it for her. As Martin returns, the maitre d' is bringing Chris and Susan to the table.**

**Susan throws her arms around Martin, and he looks very uncomfortable as she kisses both of his cheeks. Tall, blonde and athletic, her trim figure provides no hint that she has borne three children. Susan is wearing gray trousers, a blue twin set and a long blue and gray patterned scarf. Very stylish, Louisa frets, but she does have shoulder length hair. Chris introduces Louisa to Susan who shakes her hand and says: "So happy to finally meet you. Martin has told me absolutely nothing about you, although he is the godfather of our second-born child." **

**Martin raises his eyebrows and asks how Jill is doing. Susan responds: "She's brilliant. At the top of her class with grades, the best player on the team, a prima ballerina, speaks French fluently and is ready to have a piano solo with any symphony. Martin actually laughs and says to Louisa: "Of course she is only 6, so you can't expect much from her!" **

**They all laugh, and Chris says that Dan is almost 9, and they are back and forth about keeping him in Plymouth or sending him away to school. Baby Julia is grateful to be in nursery school at age 3 and away from her bossy big sister.**

**The waiter asks for drinks orders. Martin will have a mineral water, Chris is having wine and will order a bottle if someone will join him. Louisa will have wine, so Chris peruses the wine list. Susan asks for an orange juice. Martin quickly asks: "Back in alcohol rehab, Susan?" "No," she retorts, "hasn't Chris told you that I am with child?" Chris looks up from the wine list and says: "I thought we were waiting for the amnio test." **

**"Well, that's but a week away, so I think we can tell Martin. After all, we might enlist him as a godfather again. We are running out of candidates."**

**Louisa feels the same pang she has been experiencing recently when she learns someone is pregnant. She smiles and says: "Congratulation. That is such lovely news."**

**Martin tells Susan that the world is overpopulated. Susan suggests she be drawn and quartered for daring to have a fourth child. Martin wonders how Chris will pay to educate another child and is concerned the burden will fall to society. Susan says she will save money by breastfeeding and will show Martin how it's done, right now at the table. Martin is grinning as Chris says: "Okay you two, truce! I cannot take another Ellingham/Susan debate, especially if Susan is not drinking. She has become very grumpy now that her wine has been taken away."**

**The waiter brings menus and Chris orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio after conferring with Louisa. As she sees the prices on the menu, Louisa's eyes widen. She could feed herself all week for the cost of a pasta dish. But that is exactly what she wants: pasta - something gooey with cheese and a cream sauce. Her stomach rumbles as she reads through the possibilities. Martin and Susan start to go back and forth about whether Susan should have an American Caesar salad because of the raw egg used in the dressing. Susan tells Martin to shove it and Chris reminds Martin that Susan has gotten meaner than usual with this pregnancy. Martin shrugs and tells Susan she can do as she pleases, and Chris asks what is new about that.**

**Seeking peace at the table, Chris asks Louisa how she is finding her new job as head of school. Louisa explains her frustrations with little money for needed programs. Enrollment is up, but they are limited in what they can provide. She and another teacher have applied for several grants, but those take so long to obtain. "On a happier note," she says, "SAT scores are up now that we give more individual attention to children who lag. But I am always concerned that we are just 'teaching to test.'"**

**Susan comments that in Jill's class of 18, there are four different reading and maths groups so that children can work at individual levels. Louisa exclaims: "Only 18 children. Our classes have at least 30 children, and we have staff for only two groups per grade." Martin says that the school really needs more computers to help the teaching staff and that he is working with the Board to find more money for them. This is the first Louisa has heard of Martin's efforts and looks questioningly at him. He returns to the menu, avoiding her glance thinks Louisa.**

**The waiter appears with the drinks and pours wine for Louisa and Chris. He then takes their orders: Susan would like a Caesar salad to split with Chris and spinach ravioli. Louisa orders manicotti in a white sauce and tomatoe bruschetta. Martin comments: "Keep that carbohydrate count up." Susan immediately says: "Mart, you be nice to Louisa or you will never have sex again." Martin blushes and takes a sip of water. Louisa feels her face redden, but at the same time she vividly recalls this morning with Martin. Oh no, she thinks: I have turned into a hungry harlot who can't stop thinking about sex and food!**

**Chris says: "Ignore Susan. That's what she always says to Martin. And for God's sake, don't tell anyone at the PCT what Susan is really like. I tell them she is a boring housewife who dotes on her children and has no time for me." Susan proclaims: "Who else is never going to have sex again!" Chris exclaims: "Four times with you was enough, so that's fine." They all laugh, including the waiter. Chris then says to the waiter: "I will have the mussels." The waiter turns to Martin, but before he can speak, Susan says: "He will have a green salad with no dressing and the broiled salmon with no butter." The waiter looks at Martin who says: "Yes, that's right."**

**Chris lifts his glass and says "Here's to a good lunch with good friends both old and new." Louisa murmurs to Chris: "That's very kind of you," while Martin raises his eyebrows in a salute to the good grace shown by his longtime friend." **


	9. Chapter 9

**A Revealing Conversation**

**After the toast by Chris, they fall into an easy conversation about the Parsons' children, Martin's practice, Louisa's school and several new doctors Chris has hired. He mentions that one worked for Doctors Without Borders for several years and asks if Martin knows her. "Name is Noelle Giffin, a French doctor and epidemiologist. She just divorced a Brit who worked in Malawi."**

**Martin furrows his brow and hesitantly says: "I met her on my first trip to The Sudan at the Mornay Camp. She was tracking the measles epidemic. Then I saw her several times in London." Martin quickly glances at Louisa and adds: "She's a very good doctor – what place does she want?"**

"**Several seem right for her, most likely Devon. It's near her ex-husband's parents. She burned out working in Africa and wants to raise her daughters in a normal atmosphere with family nearby. I believe she said that they are 8 and 10." **

**Martin comments that he didn't realize that Noelle was even married or had children. She was in Africa for quite a while.**

**Looking toward Louisa, Susan asks: "Can you imagine leaving your children and going to some place like The Sudan?"**

"**Claire Southwood did that," Louisa notes, "but her children were older and mostly out of the house."**

**Susan continues: "Well, when Claire left Robert in London, we were shocked. She was the consummate doctor's wife. Almost like Robert's handmaiden. Between her and his secretary, Marian, Robert Southwood was treated like a sultan. He was lost when Claire went to Sudan. I don't think he even knew how to make a cup of tea. Probably the most impressive turnaround I ever saw. Claire came into her own, and Robert changed for the better after following her to Sudan. Now they go back together each year and are quite a team. When we get our brood out of the house, I wonder what Chris and I will do with the rest of our lives?"**

**Martin says: "Susan you are being very philosophical, a sure indicator of the hormonal changes brought about by your pregnancy." Susan says: "Shut up, Ellingham." Louisa adds: "Here, here!"**

**The waiter arrives with their starters, and Louisa offers Martin a piece of bruschetta. He will have half of one, and she cuts a piece of the aromatic bread and places it on his plate. Of course he eats it immediately and then turns less enthusiastically to his salad. Ah, ha, she thinks. Food is his downfall and he must battle to control his appetite. **

**The waiter pours more wine into Louisa's glass and she realizes that she finished the first glass before her food arrived. She is a little lightheaded and her face feels flushed. Hopefully Martin won't notice. After his hormonal comment to Susan, he may chide her about drinking wine. She doesn't care. Lunch with Chris and Susan has been fun, and the wine and food taste so good. **

**Turning her attention back to the table, Susan is describing a book she is working on with an American psychologist on sabbatical at Cambridge. His ideas are sound, but his command of language is abysmal. Does Louisa think educational standards are more lax than ever? Louisa agrees that teachers must cover so much more material now than even 10 years ago. Less time is devoted to the basics of grammar, spelling, science and reading and more attention is given to the use of computers in the classroom. Louisa looks pointedly at Martin as she says this.**

**Chris says that they have a problem with Jill who is not being taught handwriting. Susan's mother took it upon herself to teach Jill, and she will have to do the same for the next two children. "Mind you, says Susan, "this is a top school where children are to receive the best education, but they can't even sign their name properly. By the time this baby starts school, he may not even learn maths!"**

**Martin asks: "So you know you're having another boy? That's good for Dan."**

"**No," Chris responds, "we don't want to find out the gender. We like a little mystery trying to guess if it's a boy or a girl . As long as the baby is healthy and as beautiful as Susan, we don't care about the gender." Susan smiles at Chris and says: "Thank you love." Louisa has another twinge of jealousy seeing the caring relationship between Susan and Chris. Is the type of relationship she will ever have with Martin? There were hints of it today, but she is not sure.**

**Their meals arrive, and Louisa is pleased it is a generous amount of pasta. When she offers some to Martin, he holds out his plate eagerly and accepts some of the steaming manicotti. Chris and Susan are also trading food and Susan comments: "Well, we have two momentous events today: Ellingham is eating something with a sauce on it, and he isn't wearing a tie." Martin tells her that after nearly 20 years, she finally knocked some sense into him.**

**Susan wonders how it could be that long. Martin's goes through the chronology of medical school and when Chris first brought Susan around. Chris recalls that all the med students were nerds and lived for the impromptu parties when Susan showed up with a gaggle of friends from Cambridge. Susan says: "Well Ellingham was a nerd, but he never came to the parties. He would be in the labs mucking around with cadavers or practicing his tying techniques. I would send the prettiest girls down to the labs to tempt him, but he never fell for their siren songs. Then he met that horrible woman who went off to Canada. Don't worry, Louisa, she's probably married to some pompous piss of a man given her poisonous personality."**

**Martin objects saying: "Well, she is a good doctor." Chris rolls his eyes: "Edith has always thought she was a much better doctor than she actually is. It's all that bluster coming from having a father who was knighted. By the way, she is back in the UK and still doing gynae but specializing in fertility treatments. Not something I ever saw her in, but she always wanted to follow the money."**

**This is the first Louisa has heard of Edith and wants to know more, but she dare not press Chris as Martin looks embarrassed. He also looks satisfied as he first ate the manicotti and is finishing the salmon. She has eaten her pasta and has nearly emptied the second glass of wine. No more wine. If she has a third glass, Martin will order her to a treatment programme. The waiter returns and begins to pour wine into Louisa's glass. She says: "No thank you." Chris holds out his glass saying: "If I have to spend the rest of the weekend with Susan, I'll finish the bottle."**

**"Just think if you had to spend the entire weekend with Edith," smirks Susan. "There wouldn't be enough wine in the world," proclaims Chris. **

**Martin finally defends Edith saying: "She wasn't that bad."**

**Looking bemused, Susan says to Martin: "Do you recall being in a puddle of tears at our pokey little flat when she left you and went to Canada? After the second day of putting up with your moaning and groaning, I told Chris to bring home some morphine and put you of your misery. Then we had what I call 'the summer Susan lost all her friends because she tried to set them up with Ellingham so that he would get over Edith.'" **

**Martin holds up his hands and says: "Now Susan you told me years ago that you had gotten all of your pals married off to rich men. So they really didn't waste any time with me that summer."**

"**Yes, Martin, I did get them married off, but now the divorces are beginning. If you can't land Louisa, I shall set you up with them again, but this time they each have at least two children and big, smelly, slobbering dogs."**

**Louisa is more than startled at Susan's comment about Martin "landing" her. She wonders if Martin has confided in Chris about Louisa and asked for advice. Susan's keenness to meet Louisa was interesting too. She feels a little uncomfortable realizing that she may have been the subject of a discussion, at least between Martin and Chris.**

**The waiter re-appears and asks if they would like coffee or tea. Susan asks for herbal tea as does Louisa. Chris and Martin order espresso, and all decide to forego dessert. Louisa feels comfortably full and a bit drowsy from the rich pasta and wine. The tea will have little effect, and she is going to suggest to Martin that they return to the flat so that she can have a nap. This is an indulgence she treats herself to on Sunday afternoons, but can't remember the last time she napped on a Saturday.**

**Maybe when she and Danny used to have dreamy weekends at his mother's old family cottage on the moor. Just thinking of those times makes her a little wistful. Danny would come from London, full of grand design ideas and eager to discuss his first architectural projects. She was thrilled to be teaching at her old primary school and enjoyed being back in Portwenn. Danny was her first lover, and what they lacked in experience, they made up for in enthusiasm. Her musings are interrupted when the waiter asks: "Milk with your tea Miss?" as he places the cup in front of her. Louisa shakes her head no. Martin comments: "I thought you liked your tea white." **

**"Not herbal tea. It's so light that milk makes it too heavy. "**

"**So let me make sure I know what you like: coffee, no milk; herbal tea, no milk; regular tea, milk and two sugars."**

**"Martin when did you start caring about pleasing people," Susan asks.**

"**When I met Louisa."**

**Louisa is stunned, and Chris and Susan seem the same. Coming from Martin Ellingham, this is like a heartfelt declaration of love. Martin reaches under the table and places his hand on Louisa's leg. She has to control herself from jumping, as his touch has such an effect on her. Instead, she asks if the espresso is as good as that at the Indian take away near the flat. Martin says it is actually better at the take away. Chris breaks the spell, saying that globalization has reached its zenith when an Indian take away serves better espresso than an Italian ristorante!**

**Susan stands, saying she will be back in a minute and asks Louisa if she would like to join her. Louisa follows Susan to the loo. When she glances over her shoulder, Martin has a stricken look on his face while Chris is grinning. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A Private Chat**

**Inside the loo, Susan immediately goes into a cubicle, commenting that perpetual peeing is the worst part of being pregnant. Louisa does the same and is washing her hands when Susan returns. She watches as Susan washes up, combs her hair and applies lipstick. As she finishes, Susan says: "That's an interesting necklace. Is it an antique?" **

**Louisa responds that she came across it at the clock shop today and feels a bit guilty because Martin insisted on buying it for her. Susan laughs and says it's probably the first gift that Martin ever gave a woman, so she should cherish it. Then she says: "Oh God, Louisa. I'm so sorry. That sounded so mean. Like Martin, I was an only child. Chris says Martin is the brother I never had and I'm the sister he never had. Years ago, we got into this pattern of squabbling back and forth, and I don't know when to cut it off. I'm also horribly protective of him, because I understand better than most the issues he has faced.**

"**When Claire told me you were here with him this weekend, I was really hurt that he hadn't told me. I've wanted to meet you since Chris let it slip that Martin was interested in a woman from Portwenn. Chris is so loyal to Martin that he wouldn't tell me a thing about you, not even your name. The last time Martin was in Plymouth for little Julia's birthday, I did everything but put him on the rack to get him to talk about his mystery woman, but he told me nothing."**

**Louisa sighs and says: "Honestly, Susan, I don't know if there's much to tell you. Of course Martin and I see each other all the time in Portwenn because it's so small. But we've only had one proper date, and it ended very badly when Martin kissed me and then started prattling on about my being pre-menstrual and wearing perfume that smelled like urine. Before that we kissed in a taxi, and he implied that I had bad breath." Susan groans and exclaims: "Ellingham!" **

**Louisa realizes how silly all of this sounds when she actually says it out loud, so she continues: "And then there was the time I tried to get him drunk, so that he would let down his guard. He told me I was beautiful, he lived only to catch glimpses of me, and he loved me. Then he passed out. The next day I went to see him all dewy eyed and told him that I loved him too. He accused me of being unnaturally attracted to him as a man of higher station and called me a stalker.**

"**There have been so many other false starts and stops: the meetings he can't make because of a last-minute patient, the dinners that get interrupted, and on it goes. He invited me to London this weekend to sort out our so-called relationship. We have had some great moments and other times I feel like Martin doesn't know I'm here. We made love for the first time – well for the first two times – and it was wonderful. But I don't know if that is enough with Martin. I've tried so much, but I'm not sure any of it matters."**

"**Louisa, Chris told me that everyone in Portwenn was aware of Martin's haemophobia. But knowing him, I doubt he has said much to you about it."**

**"He did tell me about it one night, and I've seen him retch at the sight of blood. I've always wondered why he didn't get help to overcome it. He gave up so much for something that possibly could be treated. But I was afraid to ask him about it. He seems so resigned to it."**

"**My theory is that Martin suppressed his emotions for so long – because of his horrid parents and then the wretched Edith – that he could not deal with the emotions that finally pushed to the surface. I think it may have started in The Sudan where Martin was in an environment even he couldn't control. He has never talked about it, but when Claire told me about the operations he did, I can understand why he broke down in a London hospital. He went from a place where patients were very real and their needs very immediate to an atmosphere where everything was sanitized and he was sheltered from any substantial contact with people whose lives he often held in his hands. **

"**I used every resource I had in psychology to help him, but he would have none of it. St. Thomas's tried with him, but he wouldn't pursue anything. Several of my colleagues suggested that Martin embraced the haemophobia and refused to be treated because – whether he recognized it or not – he was exhausted by performing at such a high level for so many years. The phobia literally gave him an excuse to get away from the stress and pressure of being a top surgeon. It was more difficult than you can imagine being Martin Ellingham. I still think, but mostly hope, that Martin is coming to terms with his life and will finally let someone in. From what I've seen at lunch, Martin genuinely cares about you which is quite an accomplishment for him. Don't give up on him. I know how frustrating he is, but I promise you he is worth it."**

**Louisa suddenly realizes she is shaking and a minute later she is crying and saying:**

"**Susan I care about him, but I don't know what to do. I have tried so much and I'm just exhausted with it all. Usually I'm strong and can handle anything, but I feel like I'm falling apart." Susan wets a paper towel and slowly wipes Louisa's face and pats her back saying: It's okay, Louisa. I assure you I understand what you are going through with him. For the last 20 years, he has so frustrated me. Many a time I said to Chris that I was done with Ellingham and was about to give up on him. Look, Louisa, are you okay? If we don't get back, Martin is going to burst in here and declare a medical emergency."**

"**Thank you, Susan. I'm sorry that I broke down. I'm fine now. Just embarassed that I can't control my emotions. Maybe Martin is right, I am just too damn emotional."**

"**Oh, Louisa, he tells our 3 year old the same thing. It's his standard line to females. Probably because he's afraid of us. He's been through so much, but that is no excuse. He really needs a good woman in his life now more than ever. Don't let him push you away." Louisa smiles and hugs Susan, saying: "Thank you. Talking to you is what I needed. He is better around you and Chris and that gives me hope. Really thank you." **

"**We'd better get back to them. I'll make up some pregnancy story to explain our absence. You know, we'll remember this some day and laugh."**

**On returning to the table, Susan smiles wanly at Chris and says: "Sorry, love, I was feeling a little lightheaded and got a bit sick. Louisa was so helpful to me. Much better than any doctor. "**

**Chris jumps to his feet and looks to Martin: "We should be leaving. Let me get the car and you wait here. Martin can stay at the door and Louisa can be here with you. Are you sure you're okay?"**

**Susan falls into a chair saying: "Yes, I'll have some water and be fine." Chris and Martin leave and Susan quickly takes ice from a water glass, places it in a napkin and tells Louisa to hold it against her eyes, assuring her it will lessen the redness. **

"**Louisa, I wish I could tell you some magic secret for dealing with Ellingham, but I have been trying to find one for years. If you care for him and can put up with him, I think you will keep peeling away the layers until you find the wonderful person he can be."**

**Martin returns, helps Susan up and tells her Chris is there with the car. Louisa picks up her bag and Martin's packages and catches a glimpse of herself in a mirror. Her eyes look fine. Her hair is a little mussed, but nothing is alarming – at least about her appearance. Susan's discussion of Martin's haemophobia has added another level of concern. How can Louisa ever understand Martin Ellingham?**

**After Susan and Chris leave, Martin asks Louisa: "Did she vomit? Do you think she could be dehydrated? I am concerned that she is 40 and that is late for having a baby – even if it is a fourth baby. I hope nothing goes wrong. She loves children so much." Louisa assures him Susan was just mildly nauseated and vomited only a little. It didn't seem unusual for a woman finishing her first term.**

**Martin takes Louisa's hand: "You were so good to help her. She told me that you were wonderful." Louisa feels even worse and is afraid she's going to cry again. But she is able to hold herself together and suggests that they take a taxi back to the flat. **


	11. Chapter 11

**A Surprising Afternoon **

**In the taxi Martin asks: "Do you think it was the herbal tea? First, Susan is ill and then you seem a little off. You know what I think of herbal remedies, and those mixtures used in herbal teas are likely unsafe as well." **

**Louisa cannot resist smiling. She has a crying spell because of Martin; Susan covers its up with a tale of nausea and Martin questions the safety of herbal tea. "No, Martin, I don't think it was the herbal tea." **

**Not wishing to make more of the illness Susan feigned on her behalf, Louisa questions Martin about the computer business he mentioned at lunch. This is the first she has heard of his efforts and wonders why he and the Board of Governors haven't talked to her about it. Martin is a bit evasive but finally admits that he has been looking at grants from educational charities who provide computers for under-performing schools.**

"**Under-performing schools!" Louisa exclaims. "I don't know if you were paying attention at lunch, but our school has increased its standing in testing for the last five years. Everyone has worked very hard to bring the school up to grade level and a few of the grades are above that. With the amount of poverty in our school, we are quite proud of what we have done. Have you actually talked to the other board members about this?"**

"**No. I was only trying to find computers for the school. You always tell me I'm not involved in the Board, and I thought this would be useful. But I don't have to waste my time if you aren't interested," he huffs. **

"**I'm sorry, Martin. Just hearing Susan talk about her children's school and what they have makes me realize how much our school lacks. It bothers me that I can't give our students everything those children have." **

"**Let's not get into it, Louisa. I'll research the grants a little more – no matter, it would be helpful to have more computers at the school."**

**Louisa does not want another row with Martin and says nothing more as they have arrived at the building. Martin pays the driver and offers his hand to help her from the taxi. As soon as she exits, he drops her hand and turns from her to greet a young man walking toward the building.**

"**Hello, Harry. How are the engineering studies?"**

"**Good, Dr. Ellingham. I'm working until midnight, so I'll do a bit of studying in between managing the take away orders and greeting dinner party guests."**

**Harry holds the door for them, and the young woman they saw earlier greets him with a big smile. His face softens, but he formally states: "Hello, Jane, I am here to relieve you." She almost snaps to attention and says to Martin: "Dr. Ellingham, I have your papers from this morning and two parcels have been delivered for you." Martin picks up the parcels, piles his package from the bookstore on top and tries to grab the newspapers. Louisa steps beside him, takes the papers, thanks the young woman and wishes her a good evening. As they walk to the lift, Louisa sees reflected in the lobby mirror that Harry and Jane are standing very close to each other and smiling.**

**In the lift Martin looks at the parcels and comments: "Oh, they're from the conference. Proceedings, I guess." **

"**Is your paper in there?"**

"**It should be, yes."**

"**Do you think I could read it?"**

"**Well, I'm not sure it would be that interesting."**

"**Look, Martin, I'm not an idiot. I can read. I may not understand exactly what it all means, but I would like to know what you did here in London. That is a part of your life I know nothing about. Just a little insight would be nice."**

"**Okay, I'll pull it for you, but you could also read it on my computer if you want. I don't have a printer, but you can scroll through it."**

**They enter the flat and flick on lights. Louisa follows Martin to the smaller bedroom where he places the packages on the desk. Without removing his coat, he flips through the first parcel and then opens the second. He finds his paper and hands it to Louisa. She notices that he has a shy grin as the students do at school when they give Louisa a present. She thanks him for the paper and walks to the lounge. Martin remains at the desk.**

**Louisa removes her coat, turns a lamp and reads the title of the paper: "Carotid Artery Stinting or Drug Therapy in a Group of Early On-Set Heart Disease Patients" by M. C. Ellingham, MD, RC, FRCS.* The referenced footnote recites Martin's academic and professional vita and notes that he is currently a General Practitioner in Cornwall. His thanks are given to the drug manufacturer, his colleagues who worked with him and the participants in the study. Finally it states: "With appreciation for the support of R. N. Southwood, MD, RC, FRCS, Imperial Hospital, London, and L.V. Glasson, Portwenn, Cornwall. **

**Louisa cannot understand what she just read. She must read it again, to make sure her mind is not playing tricks. As she re-reads it, Martin walks into the room. He has removed his jumper and has turned up the cuffs of his shirt. Louisa looks up at him and says: "Martin, I don't understand. What is this? Why is my name here?" **

**He takes the paper from her, glances at it and says: "Because I wanted it there." He sits on the stool next to her chair, clasps his hands between his knees and says: "When I could no longer do surgery in London, I was half finished with the research on this project. I took a month or so to complete the research while taking my GP training. I was working 16 to 17 hours a day so that I would be exhausted, could sleep and not dwell on what had happened to me. **

**I brought all the material with me to Portwenn and put it together after surgery ended. If I saw you that day or talked to you, I would work on the project. So without you, the findings would not have been analyzed, the paper would not have been written. It would have been left behind in London with the rest of my surgical career. You didn't know you were helping me, but I wanted to acknowledge your help even if you never learned of it."**

"**Martin, why didn't you tell me about it?"**

"**Well, it was something that I thought you would find quite odd. I had done so many other things you didn't like, I saw no reason to add to your discomfort. I never expected you to see the paper, so there was no need to tell you. Being with you this weekend, I feel so good, that I showed it you. Are you upset with me?"**

**Louisa takes his hand and says: "Martin, you have just unpeeled another layer." He rubs his thumb back and forth over her thumb and says: "You make me sound like an onion." Louisa laughs: "Yes, but a very sweet onion."**

**Martin stands, pulls Louisa to her feet and they walk to the sofa where Louisa sits down and removes her shoes. Martin unwraps the Bax CD and loads it into the player. Sitting at one end of the sofa, he arranges Louisa so that her head is resting on his chest and her legs are stretched the length of the sofa. Martin trails his hand along her side slowly as the romantic music "Tintagel" fills the room. **

**Louisa recalls that Martin's interview was held at the Camelot Castle Hotel near Tintagel and wonders if he selected this piece because of their meeting that day. Probably not, but Louisa hopes it might be so. As the music unfolds, he occasionally takes her hand and softly kisses it or lightly strokes her hair. This is what she has wanted with Martin: to be held by him in a calm, reassuring way with no tension or awkwardness between them. Simply being with him. She is soon asleep. **

**A few hours later, Louisa awakens to hear Martin on the phone. It is nightfall, and she sees by the mantel clock that is nearly 7. Martin returns to the sofa and groans: "That was my Aunt Joan."**

"**Is everything okay?"**

"**Of course, everything is fine. She only wanted to remind me to collect some papers at the solicitor's office on Monday. That will be the end of the horrible business with my father. But I will get to see your young friend, Jack. I hope he has his little dog with him."**

**Laughing Louisa says: "Guess Joan couldn't ask you on Monday morning."**

"**No, she's going batty trying to figure out why both of us are in London."**

"**Martin, did you tell her I was staying with you," cries Louisa.**

"**God, no! But she has a sixth sense and always knows when I'm up to something. When I had summers at her farm, she knew what I was doing and thinking before I did."**

"**So you stayed every summer with her?"**

"**Well between the ages of 6 and 13. Then my father decided it wasn't convenient for me to go there. I missed the farm terribly but had to do what he wanted. So I was sent to several educational camps during summer term. Most of them were filled with boys like me, and I didn't have the same problems as at school. We were happy catching bugs and cutting up frogs all day and reading all night. **

"**Those summers were great compared to my winter breaks. I either got stuck at school or forced to stay at my parent's house. If they were on a trip it wasn't all that bad. The year I turned 10, they went to Greece at Christmas and left me with the new housekeeper. She was understandably bored, so she showed me how to cook some basic dishes and taught me the game of whist. We either played cards or watched telly most days. She would throw me out in the afternoon to go for a walk, and I usually went to a bookstore and read.**

"**That year a boy from my school, Arthur Cummings, turned up on Christmas Eve saying he had gotten booted out of his father's house because his new stepmother hated him. His next door neighbor knew my mother and once told Arthur I lived in the area. He was clever and found my address in the directory. Arthur's father had divorced his mother a few years earlier, remarried quickly and now had twin boys about 2 years old and a baby boy had just been born. Obviously, this kid realized that he no longer had any status in the family. His mother had taken his younger sister and was living in a small village outside Cambridge, so Arthur couldn't go to her. **

"**He stayed the night, and the next morning the housekeeper was moping about missing her family on Christmas. I said we would go to Arthur's house and that she should take the day to visit her sister. About noon we left to spy on the jolly holiday Arthur was missing. He knew how to get in through the back door, and we found the place in chaos. All the babies were crying, his father was passed out in bed with a bottle of vodka, and his stepmother was wandering around half asleep. Turns out she was a heroin addict. At the time, we only understood that she was acting strangely. **

"**We made out from one of the twins that they were hungry and from the smell of them, their nappies hadn't been changed since the nanny left on Christmas Eve morning. Arthur really took charge and said he knew how to take care of babies from watching his mum with his little sister. We dunked the twins into a bath and put them into clean nappies and pyjamas. The baby was probably two months old and was also soiled and soaking. We gave him a wash and fresh nappy. **

"**I had bottle fed newborn lambs at Joan's so I knew I could feed the baby. We didn't know about formula, but Arthur said babies had to drink warm milk. I heated milk, put it in a bottle, fed the baby and he went to sleep. Then we opened tins of soup for the twins, mashed up the vegetables and gave it to them with toast. They didn't make a fuss, they just wanted food. Arthur took them up to their room, read to them and they fell asleep. Every time the baby got awake or cried, we fed him a bottle. Of course, all the milk upset his stomach, but we were at the age where we liked disgusting things so we just kept him in clean nappies.**

"**In the evening, Arthur's father stumbled downstairs looking for the stepmother. When he saw Arthur, he got all teary, said he was sorry but he didn't know what to do He said the stepmother had been a pretty well-known model but was too old at 30 to work any more. She wanted a rich man and went after Arthur's father who ran a big ad agency in London. Like many models she used heroin to keep her weight down, and she continued using it after she married. I didn't understand what he was talking about until I was well into secondary school.**

"**We were hungry and the twins were awake, so I made scrambled eggs for supper. There we were: 2 year old twins, a baby, two 10 year olds and the hungover dad having our jolly holiday dinner. Arthur and I took care of the babies on Boxing Day and went back to my house when the nanny returned the next day. The entire time, we didn't hear a word from the stepmother.**

"**Arthur came back for the second term and then moved to a school in London. I never knew what became of him until about 10 years ago when he was to be married. He tracked me down at St. Thomas's and invited me to the wedding. I had always been curious about how the family turned out, so I went to the wedding. Arthur was working as a designer at his father's agency and was marrying – not surprisingly – a psychiatrist. His father, mother and sister were at the wedding but no sign of the second family. **

"**Arthur's father told me the stepmother had gone to drug rehab in the States and met a musician there. She divorced the dad and took the three boys with her. He tried to stay in touch with them but had seen them only a few times. Now grown, they were living in California and were in the music business. He wanted to get back with Arthur's mum, but she had met someone else. At the time he was on his fourth wife and, unbidden, told me that marriage was ending."**

**Louisa thinks: there are similarities in our childhoods. I was left alone for long periods by my father and abandoned by my mother. I was looked after by villagers who made it their business to care for me. Our circumstances were very different but Martin was raised not by his parents but by a baby nurse, housekeepers, school staff and – fortunately for him – Joan and Phil. It may have made us stronger and more independent, but is also made us insecure and lonely. Looking at Martin, she asks: "Do you ever feel like no one in the world cares about you?" **

"**All the time, Louisa, all the time."**


	12. Chapter 12

**A Further Explanation**

**Louisa hugs Martin and says: "On that happy note, will you make me scrambled eggs for our jolly holiday dinner?"**

"**Too many eggs are not good for you Louisa."**

**Sighing she says: "It was better when no one cared about me, and I could eat anything I wanted."**

"**Yes, that's what happens when someone wants to take care of you."**

**Hearing Martin even imply he wants to take care of her is a bit too much for Louisa, and she bursts into tears. **

**Martin looks panicked and says: "It's okay, Louisa, I'll make you scrambled eggs. Don't cry. You can eat anything you want. Don't cry."**

**Martin rushes to the bedroom and returns with tissues. Louisa dabs at her eyes and starts to gulp, trying to stop herself from crying. She chokes out to Martin that Susan wasn't ill at the restaurant. It was she who was crying and Susan invented the story to cover their absence. Martin wants to know why she was crying then and why she is crying now. Louisa takes a deep breath and tells Martin that she was a bit overwhelmed seeing him at ease with Susan and Chris. It was the way she imagined he would be with her following their "big talk." Since coming to London, he had said and done so many wonderful things, but she is not sure if they will ever have an easy relationship.**

**"Louisa, I've known Chris and Susan for many years, and I've been through so much with them. When I showed up at medical school, I was the wunderkind who had taken firsts in everything and won prizes , but I was also an arrogant prick. Chris made it his business to knock me down a few pegs. No one had ever done that to me, because no one could be bothered. Susan was reading psychology at Cambridge, so she found my behavior intriguing. It was Susan who first told me I was probably on the Asperger's spectrum, and we have argued about it since then.**

"**Our first term, Chris had a rough time with classes, so I would help him as I could. When I became involved with Edith – Edith Montgomery – Chris was furious. By then he had pulled himself together and was doing well. He and Edith had gone toe-to-toe on any manner of things, and he hated her. Chris said I was foolish and that she would end up hurting me and distracting me from my work. At the end of med school, I was going to St. Thomas's and thought Edith and I were staying in London and would be married. We had never talked about it – I just made this leap that she and I slept together, so we would marry.**

"**One day I had a phone message from Edith telling me to meet her at the medical library. When I arrived, I tried to kiss her and she pushed me away and told me it was over. She was going to Montreal for a fellowship at McGill University in gynaecology. I asked when she was offered the fellowship. She applied for it about six months earlier and was accepted three months after that. For that last half year, she did not have the decency to tell me she was leaving. I walked away from her and hurried to the flat Chris and Susan had just let together. **

"**Chris was at hospital but Susan was there trying to clean up the place. She took one look at me and knew something horrible had happened. She made tea and just listened to me. I talked not just about Edith but about all the other slights I had from bedwetting and being banned from Aunt Joan's farm to the way my parents treated me and how I was bullied at school. I never felt good enough no matter how hard I worked or how high my grades. Susan was right today: I spent two days and nights at their flat moaning and groaning about my life. Eventually, she told me to go home and shape up. It worked and I was able to get over Edith and get on with my training.**

"**When she and Chris were married, Susan made me be a groomsman and then she made me be Jill's godfather. No matter how busy I was, Susan had me at every birthday party for the children. I always receive birthday cards from them and, when we were in London, Susan would take me to lunch and then make me go shopping with her for neckties. For someone who never had any rituals or celebrations in his life . . . well, this meant quite a bit to me.**

"**Whether they had Christmas with her parents in Cambridge or Chris's family in London, I was invited. One year Chris's brother was bringing home his fiancée for the first time. I felt awkward intruding on this family time and did not join them but went to hospital. About noon, Susan came roaring into my office calling 'Ellingham, Ellingham, you are going to have Christmas if it kills me.' I told her I felt like an intruder in their lives. While I appreciated her, Chris and their families, I thought it was time that they lived their lives and I lived my life. I'll never forget what she said: 'Ellingham you don't have a life without us. Now get on your coat and come have Christmas.'**

**"When I developed haemophobia, Robert Southwood tried in every way to help me, but I was so humiliated even he could not reason with me. One day I told him I already had a bad father and did not need another one. He gave up after that.**

**"Of course, I was too embarrassed to call Chris who was in Plymouth by then, and certainly not Susan. Chris soon learned about it, but I would not respond to his calls or emails. I couldn't do surgery but would go to my office hoping that some miracle would occur and my problem would be cured. Although everyone thought it was a stress-related phobia, there was no diagnosis at the time. Haemophobia was of course suspected, but it seemed there had to be a more complex reason for my violent reaction to blood. **

"**A few weeks after it happened, I returned from a meeting with the chief of surgery and found Susan waiting in my office. By then, I was angry with everyone and everything and told her to get out of my office and my life while she was at it. She refused. For the last few days, she had been talking to psychologists and psychiatrists who specialized in phobia disorders. Meetings had been scheduled with several of them and Susan would accompany me if I wished. Then she left the office, leaving me a sheet of appointments and a stack of reading material.**

"**Of course, I read the material and kept a few of the appointments, but I just couldn't get into the right frame of mind to enter the type of therapy I probably needed. People heard about my situation and offers came in from medical schools, research facilities and even a medical museum for any number of positions. It was strongly suggested by St. Thomas's that I enter therapy to at least understand the reasons I could no longer perform surgery. I refused. Very serious meetings followed, and it was mutually decided – and with great regret – that I should take a sabbatical from St. Thomas's. **

"**After leaving the hospital and stopping by the flat to pack a case, I drove directly to Susan's office in Plymouth, leaving Calvin Nothquitt to sort out the implications of my crumbling career. For nearly three weeks, I stayed with Susan, Chris and their two young kids. One indication that I might have lost my mind is that I never complained about Jill and Dan. After many false starts and endless discussions, we finally settled on the notion that I would become a GP for a while, just until I could face therapy and overcome my phobia. **

"**In one of the many arguments Susan and I had during those three weeks, she told me that with the change in my career, my life had to change and finding a woman would be a good start. Of course, she was spouting nothing but sentimental rubbish and I told her so. She didn't care what I thought, she was sticking with me until I found a suitable replacement. Today, as I was helping her into the car, she told me I had found a suitable replacement."**

**And then Martin says nothing. For once Louisa is not going to jump in with a remark hoping that it will lead Martin to declare how he feels about her. She will leave Susan's comment and make Martin take the next step – finally. But she is hungry again and has the tiniest headache from the wine. Pushing her feelings aside, Louisa asks: "What are we going to do for dinner?" This seems to bring Martin out of his reverie as he blinks his eyes and says: "Isn't it too late for dinner?"**

**It is Saturday night in London and no one eats until 9! When Louisa was at Goldsmiths, the parties didn't start until 10 and ended at dawn. Martin grimaces and asks "what are you going to do, take me out for a pizza? You know you will never sleep after consuming all those carbohydrates."**

"**Who wants to sleep?" she asks.**

"**Yes, let's have pizza. First, though, let me check in with the locum and catch up with emails. It should take only a few minutes."**

**Louisa feels a little drained and decides to take a quick shower hoping it will refresh her. After the shower, she applies light make up and pulls her hair into a saucy ponytail with a red band. Adding to the effect, she tugs on jeans and a heavy blue jumper. She feels like a student again—maybe a graduate student. In the hall, she sees Martin still on the phone with the locum, but he motions that he is almost finished. **

**Louisa said she could understand his paper, so she picks it up again. After reading for several minutes, it appears that his study followed a group of 68 men whose heart disease was diagnosed between the ages of 40 and 45. One sample was treated with a drug and the second sample had one or two stints placed in their carotid arteries. The paper is so well written that Louisa is able to follow Martin's research and analyses and will try to discuss it with him tonight. **

**Soon Martin enters wearing trousers, a light blue shirt and dark blue jacket but no necktie. He says: "I'm ready for Saturday night in London!" They take their coats and close the door behind them. Martin is in a light mood and takes Louisa's hand. In the lift, he flips her ponytail, and she mentions that at school boys aren't allowed to touch girls' ponytails. Martin asks her if they obey. She laughs and replies "of course not" as the lift doors open. Waiting at the lobby is an elderly couple who smile benignly at Martin and Louisa. Then the woman has a second look and says: "Mr. Ellingham is that you?" Martin says: "Yes it is. Good night, Mrs. Montgomery." The woman gapes at him as they walk through the lobby hand-in hand. At the desk, Harry reminds them that the lobby door is locked on Saturday and Sunday nights at midnight. They will be back before then – Louisa adds "maybe."**


	13. Chapter 13

**A Brave Question**

**In the street, Louisa says she is not set on pizza but would like to just walk about and see what seems interesting. This is what they would do at university. Something good could always be found in New Cross. Of course she hasn't been there in years, but the pubs and coffeehouses were always fun. **

**Martin asks where she lived when she was at Goldsmiths. Louisa had a tiny flat with two other girls because she was a little tight for money. To earn university fees, she had skipped her 6****th**** form of secondary school in Delaboule and gone to America as an au pair. Other girls from Portwenn had gone to Spain, France, Germany and even London, but Louisa always wanted to see the States. One obstacle was learning to drive a car. The old PC, Tom Haley, had taken her in hand, and she had gotten her international driver's license. **

**Her hope was to work in California and was thrilled when she received a posting to San Francisco. Soon after she arrived, the dad had a sudden job transfer to - of all places – London. Louisa was assigned to another family in Virginia, just outside Washington.**

**It was a very sad story. The mum had suffered breast cancer for five years and died at age 43. The two daughters, Jennifer and Katie, were 8 and 10 when she died and probably would have been okay as what the American called latch-key kids. But the dad traveled and needed someone to stay with the girls while he was away. His mother had helped with them, but she was a heavy smoker and developed a heart condition. Shortly after the girls' mum died, their grandmother had a heart attack and died. When she arrived, the girls were morose and became worse after their grandmother's death. **

**They really did not have much of a childhood with their mum ill and the dad traveling constantly. Their grandmother tried, but she was a bit eccentric and not very motherly. Teachers were good to the girls and would have them talk to the school counselor each time she visited. Halfheartedly, they would participate in Girl Scouts, soccer and music classes. Still, they were quiet, moody and distracted from their studies.**

**One day an elderly neighbor called Louisa over to help fetch a little dog who had fallen into a window areaway. Louisa removed the dog, but it was scruffy and appeared ill. One of the Scout leaders was a vet, so Louisa brought the dog to her clinic. After the vet wormed the dog, she had it neutered and gave it the needed vaccines and flea treatment. A week or so later the dog was ready, and the dad agreed to let Jennifer and Katie have the dog.**

**Louisa picked up the girls from school and said she had a surprise for them. Most children would be jumping with excitement, but they said nothing. When they arrived home, Louisa found that the dog had peed on the floor and chewed the leg of a chair. She cleaned up the mess and told the girls she was sorry but the dog was probably a mistake. They begged Louisa to let the dog stay and said they would make sure she behaved.**

**They were so happy that Louisa relented. The dog was named Snow White, and she turned out to be a good dog. The girls loved Snow White and she made a big difference. After the rocky start, things became better and Louisa got into the routine of taking the girls to school, doing the shopping and the girls' laundry while looking after Snow White. A cleaning company came each week and someone took care of the lawn. She arrived in Virginia after the school term began, so she missed admission for classes at a local college. She found herself with little to do while the girls were at school.**

**The next weekend, the dad's sister, Cathy, came from New York and told Louisa she and her brother wanted to sell their mother's house. Although the house reeked of cigarette smoke and was stacked high with rubbish, it would sell for a good price. The money would be split among Jennifer, Katie and Cathy's two children for university fees.**

**Louisa and the girls went to the house with Cathy and the dad, but Cathy would not go inside. Louisa walked through the house with the dad and didn't think it was any worse than houses she had known in Portwenn. In fact, she thought it was quite large and nice. All it needed was a clean out and painting. Louisa had helped Bert Large with this kind of work back home. Cathy and the dad told Louisa that they would pay her if she would organize the work. They took some family pictures and other sentimental items from the house and handed the key to Louisa. **

**On Monday, Louisa talked to the older neighbor about people who worked on houses, and she gave Louisa a list of painters and such. She also told Louisa that many people had sales to empty houses and make extra money. Without really knowing what she was doing, Louisa had a house sale and made enough money to pay for some of the painting. A remainderman took everything that was left. **

**One painter Louisa called said he could have the house cleaned up and painted in three week. When he asked Louisa the price of the house, she had no answer. That night she called Cathy to give her a report on the painting and to ask about the price. Cathy told Louisa to enquire about for an estate agent. **

**Kelly, the mum of one of Jennifer's friends was an estate agent, and Louisa asked her to have a look at the house and then call Cathy. True to his word, the painter had the work finished in a few weeks and the house looked good. Kelly sold the house very quickly, and Cathy was so pleased that she gave Louisa a little more money than promised.**

**Kelly told the other mums what a good job Louisa had done with the house. Soon she was getting extra work childminding, doing errands, and helping out at birthday parties. That year in the States she made enough money to pay her first year fees at university and have a nest egg for the remaining years. At the second term, Louisa took college classes in education and biology, and she and the girls studied together in the evening. **

**Toward the end of her year with the family, Louisa found out what the mums had gossiped about but never told her: The dad had a girlfriend long before his wife died and was planning to marry her. Jennifer and Katie knew her because she was their soccer coach, but they did not know anything else. They were excited when their father announced he was marrying their coach. Louisa felt a little torn about it and thought the girls were replacing the mum in their hearts too quickly, but it wasn't for her to say. She remembered how miserable they were when she arrived and it was good to see them happy about the wedding. **

**Martin asks: "What did you like about being an au pair?" **

"**I can't believe I'm saying this but it was the independence. The dad was there little of the time, the house was nice and easy to care for. I had a car to drive the girls to school and their activities, money to buy them good food and pay for their fees.**

"**When they needed a doctor or dentist, I took them; when they needed clothes, we went shopping. Eventually, they started to go to birthday parties and sleepovers, and it was so good to see them happy. I loved helping with their schoolwork and getting them through difficult reading and science projects. I had to tell Jennifer about menstruation because the mums said that some of the girls had started their periods. Fortunately, I could stop at periods and let the soccer coach handle the big discussion.**

"**Many of the mums worked, so I often went on outings with one or the other of the girls' classes or the Girl Scouts. Both Jennifer and Katie were there one Saturday when we visited Baltimore with the Scouts. After seeing the aquarium, a mum was pointing out interesting places, like the harbor and the sports stadiums. When our coach drove by Johns Hopkins, she mentioned it was one of the best hospitals in the States. Jennifer ran to me crying and could not be consoled. After we got home that evening, the dad told me that his wife had been treated at the hospital just before she died, and it had many bad memories for the girls. So, that is how I came to know about Johns Hopkins."**

"**It really is an excellent hospital, Louisa. I've attended conferences there, and they are doing good research on all types of cancers. But those poor girls, losing their mother so young is so sad." **

"**Yes, Martin, it is sad to lose your mother." **

**Martin puts his arm around Louisa, and says: "I know how you feel."**

**Wandering down a street, Martin spots a French bistro near Albert Hall with a pre-theatre and post-theatre seating. He has eaten here and pronounces the food very good. They are between the two seatings and are taken to a table immediately by the owner who recognizes Martin and welcomes him back to London. Louisa is surprised when Martin orders a glass of white wine. "Martin, I know what effect wine has on you, so you don't have to do this for me." Martin assures her he will be fine as long as he has food with it.**

**Martin selects a salade Nicoise with no dressing. Louisa can't resist the mushroom crepes but does ask for a plain salad. The waiter brings a basket of warm French bread and butter. Louisa takes a piece of bread but doesn't use butter. Watching her eat the bread, Martin says he should probably "try it." With the second piece, he adds butter. **

**Louisa looks around the restaurant and says: "I feel so ancient. At university, we would carouse around London and envy the older people we saw in restaurants like this. They didn't have to go to school, meet deadlines or work odd jobs to get a bit of money for the weekend. We thought life would be so much better when school ended."**

"**It actually was for me. Once I finished medical school, I was still under pressure, but it was pressure I controlled. I worked very hard, but I could finally see the result of my work, not just grades on a piece of paper."**

**Their food arrives and as they begin to eat, Louisa asks: "Martin, do you miss being a surgeon in London?"**

**Looking distraught, Martin pauses and returns a forkful of salad to his plate. He clasps his hands together, bows his head slightly and replies: "Louisa I miss it every minute of every day. Not so much living in London but performing operations. I once told you that it was the only thing I ever did well, and it was. Being a good GP in Portwenn is not without its challenges – many more than I expected. I've made progress with public health issues, safety for the fishermen and farmers and even helped a tourist or two in the summers. I'm giving the best care I can to patients, and I do get satisfaction from that. Danny once told me the old joke about the difference between a surgeon and God: 'God doesn't think he's a surgeon.'**

"**It's very easy to start feeling like a god. You are at the top of the pecking order among consultants. Everyone steps aside when you walk down a hospital corridor. Patients hang on your every word. You are the magic that will make them better. I saw my father's unbridled ego as a surgeon, and I swore never to be like him. But I was becoming like him. The day I threw an instrument across the theatre was terrible. People I worked with – the technicians, nurses, my registrars, ****and various people who come in and out of an operating theatre – respected me not only for my skill as a surgeon but for the way I treated them. When that instrument hit the floor, their respect for me was right beside it.**

"**Soon after, I had the first bout with haemophobia. Again, it was during a very ordinary procedure. Something I had done many times and perfected. When I started to sweat and then vomited, I saw my best nurse roll her eyes at a registrar, probably thinking I had been drinking the night before and was really on the decline. I had to walk away from the table and let another surgeon step in for me. It was so . . . so humiliating."**

**Martin looks down at his plate and begins eating his salad. Louisa reaches across the table and strokes his arm. He doesn't pull away, but he doesn't say anything. He only continues to look at his plate and eat the salad. Louisa finally says: "Martin, I am so sorry. That was horrible of me to ask you, but being here with you, it seemed like a natural thing to ask."**

**Martin lifts his head and says: "It is natural. I'm sure you have wanted to ask me that many times. Everyone else has wanted to ask me that, but you were the only one brave enough to do it. Not even Susan has asked me that question. As you saw today, she is not shy." At this comment, they both smile and Martin continues: "This is a major unresolved issue in my life, and I don't know what will happen. I think about those two little girls in the States whose mother died of breast cancer too young. How did she feel knowing that she couldn't be a mother to her daughters and that her husband had broken their marriage vows. **

"**As a surgeon I had to tell families that their loved one hadn't survived surgery or that a condition couldn't be fixed. Being a GP, the consultants push it off on me to tell patients their illness is terminal or that a bone will never heal correctly or that they can never conceive a child. These serious things give me perspective on my problem. I still have good health, I do work and make enough money to live well. If I can't be a surgeon any more, my life will continue. But I still miss being a surgeon – fixing people, the challenges, I just miss that." **

**Louisa takes Martin's hand saying: "No more brave questions from me. Let's just enjoy dinner."**

"**What about my brave question? Tell me about Danny Steele, Louisa."**


	14. Chapter 14

**A Brave Answer**

**Louisa drops his hand: "I told you Martin, it's over. Danny's back here in London, doing what he wants. He broke my heart years ago, but I tried to convince myself that I still loved him. What I was in love with was the memory of what we once had, but not with Danny. We knew each other from the time I was in grade 1 and he was in grade 2. His mum taught piano and gave recitals at village hall. She seemed a very glamorous mum, and I wanted her to be my mother.**

"**Danny left Portwenn for a secondary school in Cork where his uncle was headmaster. He worked about Cornwall with his father in the summers, and I'd see him occasionally. To me, he was just an old primary school mate. A few days before he left for university in London and I for the States, we talked at the harbor. My dream was to attend Goldsmiths, but I knew there was little chance of it. Danny told me about grants and loans I could find and other ways to make a go of it financially. His school friends from Ireland were coming over for university with less money than I would have from my au pair job. According to Danny, I had to believe in myself and apply to university. No one had ever encouraged me in this way, and Danny made an impression on me.**

"**When I returned from the States the following year, Danny had already gone up to London for the term. I made a round of the village telling people I was off to university in London. Most were skeptical that I would stay, but Danny's mum told me I would be successful if I worked hard. Like Danny, she gave me a bit of the confidence I lacked. She also gave me Danny's phone number should I become homesick. **

"**In London, I phoned Danny after I settled into the flat, but never saw him as I was so busy with my studies. Before Christmas break, he called to say a friend was driving to Truro and asked if I wanted a lift. Mrs. Steele fetched us in Truro and was to drop me at the cottage. When we got there, I found that my father had let it to several artists and there was no place for me to stay. Mrs. Steele insisted that I come to their home. Danny's dad was a land surveyor covering a good deal of Cornwall, so they had more money than many people in Portwenn. Their home seemed so elegant, and Mrs. Steele was very refined and gracious. Of course, I put them out for the holiday, but they welcomed me and were very kind.**

"**Danny was working on a school project, so I talked mostly with Mrs. Steele and went about with her. I did find a few bits and pieces of work to do, but mostly I read and tried to get ahead with my studies.**

"**At the end of the break, Danny's friend collected us in Portwenn. He wanted to photograph the old houses as well as the coastline for a class in black and white photography. On the return trip to London, we talked about what we were going to do with our lives. At that age, we were going to be the best architect, the best teacher and the best photographer. Danny's confidence was very re-assuring to me after a difficult first term. I had been homesick and always frightened that my grades would not be good enough. **

"**A few weeks into the new term, Danny invited me to a party at the photographer's flat. Danny didn't know many people and I knew no one so we just stayed together and talked. When Danny dropped me at the tube, he tried to kiss me, and I pushed him away. It would have been like kissing my brother, if I had a brother. The next day he called me and apologized and asked me to a lecture one of his professors was giving at the Victoria and Albert Museum – actually near here. That night I felt differently about him, so I let him kiss me. This began our time together.**

"**When I finished at Goldsmiths, Danny was working for a fairly important firm in London. This was a real coup because graduates from Bartlett's usually were hired by smaller companies or the government. I wanted to return to Portwenn because my father was there and having health troubles. The primary school hired me, and I loved living in Cornwall. If he could, Danny came for weekends, and we spent the time at his grandmother's old farm cottage on the moor. It was very idyllic, but after a year or so, Danny became more anxious and unable to relax. He was under pressure at his firm, and one of the partners had dropped him from a project because the client didn't like Danny. Being in one of his political phases, he and the client got into it one day about Greenpeace. **

"**Another architect and Danny decided to work on their own with some promised referrals for design projects. The referrals never came, and they both had to work as waiters for a time. Then the friend married a woman whose father was a fairly well-known builder in London. With that marriage, they received several commissions for small buildings and were able to return to architecture.**

"**Danny was to meet me in Truro one weekend to celebrate my birthday, actually my 29****th**** birthday. We talked about getting married, and I thought that Danny would propose that weekend. Danny knew there would be little work for an architect in Portwenn, so I agreed that living in London would be for the best. Holly assured me I could have my choice of posts at various comprehensives in the city. If I wanted summers in Portwenn, I could stay with Danny's parents or at the old moor cottage. **

"**Late Friday night, Danny called me at the hotel to say he had been delayed in ****London with work, but would see me on Saturday morning. When he hadn't arrived by 2, I called first his office and then his flat and left messages. A little later he phoned and said he wasn't coming to Truro at all. He thought he had outgrown me and needed a different sort of woman to suit his life in London. Of course I asked why he invited me to Truro and many other questions. He only said his plan was to tell me good bye in person, but he was too tired to make the trip.**

**Martin groans, takes Louisa's hand and says: "Stop, don't tell me anything else, Louisa." She shakes her head and the tears from her eyes: "Not much else to tell. I left the hotel and on the way home, I stopped to see my friend, Grace Remington, who was then living near Portwenn. She did not particularly like Danny and told me he probably was seeing other women all along, and I was well rid of him. I was so naieve, I never questioned why Danny didn't want me to come to London - why he would only come to Portwenn. Grace and other friends were right about Danny, but it was still quite a blow. I had pinned my future to Danny, and now I had nothing.**

"**A few days later, his mum came to see me and told me she understood from Danny that we had broken off our friendship. She is such a lovely women, I did not want her to know the horrible son she had raised. Instead, I asked if we could remain friends. It was odd as one usually says this to the person with whom you had the relationship, but I said it to Danny's mother.**

"**Mrs. Steele and I did remain friendly, and one day she called saying Danny was trying to put her away at Tall Trees. When Danny arrived from London, I was at the house with your Aunt Joan. Mrs. Steele had changed dramatically from only a month earlier, and I agreed with Danny's assessment that Tall Trees was best for her. One thing led to another, and I tried to fall back in love with Danny, but I couldn't do it. When he was hired for a project in East London, I was happy to see him go. He was part of my life, but now he isn't."**

**Martin tilts his head and asks: "Were you sleeping with Danny?"**

**Louisa shrugs: "No, not this time. I didn't want to. And with Danny's new-found religion, he didn't press me. I believe he thought he could set aside his ambition and learn to live a slower life in Cornwall with me. But when London called, he realized how much he missed it. So off he went."**

**The waiter clears the table and asks if they would like coffee. Martin has had a very good pear tart at the restaurant and suggests they share one. On Sunday evening after a day catching up at the office, Martin would sometimes dine at the bistro and treat himself to the pear tart. Louisa asks if he spent every weekend at the hospital.**

"**Most of them. I really didn't have anything else I wanted to do more than work." **

**The tart and tea arrive, and they begin to eat it together. Louisa finds it a bit erotic to be sharing the tart with Martin and asks: "No women to distract you?"**

**Martin pauses as if carefully considering his answer: "I saw women after Edith, but they moved on quickly. When I became a consultant at St. Thomas's, I had to attend some charity dos and met women involved with them. They had enough family money to live well, but they needed a cause to fill their time. Occasionally, something would spark with one of them, or a woman I met professionally or – even worse - someone Susan or Claire would foist on me. A few were sexual, and I enjoyed that, but ultimately it wasn't enough. Louisa smiles and Martin says: "It really wasn't."**

**Martin excuses himself as more people are entering the bistro after theatre. The owner is looking about for tables and brings a small booklet which he lays at Martin's place. Louisa opens it, checks the bill and quickly hands the man her card. He raises his eyebrows, and Louisa says: "He's been very brave and deserves a bit of a treat." Minutes later, Martin rejoins her and motions to the waiter. Instead, the owner comes to the table and hands Louisa the booklet. She opens it, signs the bill and removes the card and receipt. Martin protests to the owner who says: "Sir, it is so good to have you here again and with such a beautiful, generous lady. You are a very fortunate man." Martin is flustered, but says: "Yes, right. Thank you."**

**As they leave the restaurant, Martin touches Louisa's back to guide her through the tables. When they reach the door he helps with her coat. Rather than take her hand outside, he places his arm around her waist. As they walk back to the flat, Louisa leans into Martin. Nothing is said until they reach the building when Martin murmurs: "This was the best night I ever had in London." Louisa nods and kisses him on the cheek.**

**In the lobby, Harry looks up from his computer and wishes them a good night. He adds that Jane will be on duty at 8 the next morning and should have all the newspapers sorted by half eight. Martin turns around and remarks: "See that you get her here on time." Louisa hisses: "Martin!" Harry blushes and ducks his head. In the lift, Louisa laughs and says: "No more wine for you!"**


	15. Chapter 15

**A Big Talk**

**Sunday morning, Louisa and Martin are awakened by church bells, very loud church bells. Martin throws an arm over his eyes: "This is the only thing I hate about this flat - the bloody church bells on Sunday morning. One or the other church will have bells pealing all morning." A minute later the bells stop and Martin announces he is making coffee. Moving to the spot Martin just left, Louisa breathes in his clean, masculine smell from the pillow. Then the thought kept in the back of her mind pushes forward: she is leaving London at 6 today and then what?**

**Not wishing to ponder this thought, Louisa quickly goes to the loo. When she returns, Martin is sitting on the bed with a tray of coffee. She slips under the duvet and props herself against a pillow. A cool October breeze blows through the window and Louisa pulls the duvet to her chin. Closing the window, Martin comments: "this might help" and hands her a cup of coffee.**

**After a sip of coffee, Louisa asks Martin if he has ever attended any of the nearby churches. "I got quite enough of mandatory chapel at school. Being a doctor, you drift away from religion, particularly after you see some of the hideous pain people endure. It makes you question the idea of a merciful being. **

"**The second time I was in Sudan at a miserable place called Nazir, I treated victims of the Lord's Resistance Army. They came over the border from Uganda to commit mayhem and violence in the name of God. These bastards liked to mutilate the Sudanese for no reason. Little kids with toes chopped off so they couldn't walk properly, right hands taken because Islamic custom says one can't eat with the left hand. Unspeakable things were done to women and young girls. **

"**If we treated the wounds early, the gangrene and infections could be stopped. Often it was too late, and we had to do more extensive amputations. Susan thinks this may have contributed to my haemophobia. Not because of the blood or the wounds, but because I couldn't shut down my emotions in the face of this enormous cruelty."**

"**Oh, Martin, don't talk about this if it's too painful. I saw a documentary about that army of hooligans and what they did was terrible."**

"**No really, it's okay. I find if I talk about it rather than try to blank out the memory, it's better. Remember, I was only there a few weeks. I can't imagine what's it's like for the surgeons who were there for a year or two. Working for the group was an option when I could no longer do surgery, but I realized it wasn't for me long term, even if I worked on a vaccination program for cholera or kala azar.**

"**When I first went to Sudan with Claire and Robert, we were at Mornay in the intensive feeding program. It was pretty rough, but we could help the refugees with food and medicine. It was a better place than Nazir."**

"**That's where you met the French doctor?" Louisa's intuition is that there is more than Martin mentioned at lunch on Saturday. **

**Hesitating and looking a bit uncomfortable, Martin says: "Well, I quizzed you about Danny, so I will tell you about Noelle. You have little time for chit chat when you get to a camp. You just start working where they need you. Noelle was tracking the measles outbreaks and trying to determine where they would next occur. She arrived in Mornay one day with four nurses, and they wanted to start giving jabs immediately. The director told me to go with her to organize the program. She was very bossy, and we were soon arguing. I had my best way, but she really had the experience, so I worked with her for the rest of the day.**

"**Robert wasn't feeling well that evening, and Claire and I went to dinner. Noelle sat down with us and asked Claire if she was my wife. Claire said she wasn't but her husband was at the camp with her. Noelle said "bien" and then walked off. Claire and I were going back to the ward for a few hours that evening, but she wanted to look in on Robert first. **

"**Outside the ward, I saw Noelle. She followed me inside and worked with me a few hours. As we were leaving, she told me, not asked me, to come to her room. I said no, but she was very persistent and very attractive. This is embarrassing, but I hadn't been with a woman for a time and she was hard to resist. Yes, I had sex with her – and that's all it was – every night until she left five days later. It never occurred to me to ask if she were married or had any children. When Chris talked about her daughters, I felt like a fool. As part of your orientation, they tell you about the heightened reactions you have to the intense emotions you experience in the camps. That is the polite way of saying there is a good deal of sex among the staff and volunteers.**

"**A few months later, Noelle came to London, found me and summoned me to her hotel. That began a bizarre time when she would call on short notice, and I would meet her for a day or two wherever she happened to be. It wasn't all that often, and I never knew if we would meet again. Otherwise, there was no contact between us and certainly no emotional connection. That's what she wanted, and I suppose I did as well.**

"**Although it was obviously strange, I didn't regret Noelle until yesterday, when I realized she must have been married the entire time. My last call from Noelle was during my GP training in London. She had just returned to France and wanted me to come over for the weekend. We never talked about personal matters, but I wanted to explain everything I had been through with the haemophobia. As a doctor I thought she would at least find it interesting. After going on for a bit, Noelle said I was becoming tiresome and thought it best to say goodbye. I knew whatever it was would eventually end, but with everything else that had occurred, another knick to my ego was not needed."**

**Louisa can't think of what to say. The idea of Martin running after a woman, especially for sex, is so out of character for him. But then she remembers Caroline's earliest comment about Martin that most men have more of a past than might be apparent, and Martin surely was not living a celibate life in London. Her next thought is troubling as she wonders how promiscuous Noelle might be. Their brief conversation about contraception on Friday consisted of Martin saying "I brought condoms" and her responding "good." They talked of nothing else.**

**Louisa swallows and is about to ask Martin more about Noelle, when he takes her hand and says: "Louisa, don't be concerned about Noelle. We were very safe, very safe. Telling you about her was uncomfortable but it seemed the right thing to do. I hadn't given much thought to Noelle until Chris mentioned her."**

**Louisa turns away from Martin and presses her eyes closed. "Well, Martin, will you be seeing Noelle when she moves to Devon?"**

"**No, Louisa, no! From the time I saw you on the plane to my interview, you were the only woman I could think of or want. Each time we tried to get together, I wanted to make love to you. Actually, any time I saw you or thought about you, I wanted you. That night you said you might seduce me, I really regretted drinking all that wine. Danny was returning to London, and I had another chance with you that night and stupidly spoiled it. **

"**Then at the concert – I don't know what happens to me. What I say seems appropriate to me, but it often isn't. I did try with you, Louisa - to be careful about what I said. It might not seem that way, but I truly did."**

**Smiling, Louisa takes his hand: "Martin, we've had such a good weekend and good talks. Maybe we can at least speak to each other now and not turn every conversation into a row."**

**Martin kisses Louisa and says: "I notice you haven't cleaned your teeth this morning." **

"**That's right. And you'd better be making a joke about it or you are in serious trouble!" Martin grins and nods his head. And then her stomach rumbles.**

**Martin proclaims: "It's all the carbohydrates. You need more protein." Louisa groans and tells him to go find protein for her. Martin breathes a dramatic sigh, kisses Louisa again and says: "Okay, then Madam, breakfast it will be."**

**Louisa shoos him from bed and then presses her eyes closed. She doesn't want to move, she doesn't want to leave Martin, she doesn't want to get on that bloody train at 6. Why can't it be simple? Before she starts thinking too much, Louisa does leave the bed to have a shower. Her hair is wild again, so she will wash it quickly. When she returns to the bedroom, Martin is looking out the window and sipping coffee. Walking behind him, she puts her arms around his waist and presses her head to his back. He says: "Yes, I know how you feel. Come have breakfast with me." **

**She removes the towel from her hair, pulls a brush through it and goes to the dining room. Martin has toast and coffee on the table and says the salmon is nearly cooked. Minutes later he serves Louisa the broiled fish and scrambled eggs while declaring "protein!" **

"**I still get my scrambled eggs then."**

"**Yes, but no more for the rest of the week. Your doctor would not approve."**

**As they have their meal, Martin asks Louisa if she would like to see St. Thomas's. He trained and worked there for 12 years, and it was an important part of his life before Portwenn. Martin describes how his training proceeded at St. Thomas's until he became a consultant, managed a team of registrars and taught classes. Louisa knew that he was busy as a surgeon, but did not understand that he had management and teaching responsibilities as well. She asks: "How did you have time to breathe?"**

"**I was younger then and just worked until I finished for the day. Usually I left here around 6 in the morning and might be back by 8 or so. Really, I just slept here. The Cosgroves have made it a beautiful home. I'll have a quick shower and we can then get on to St. Thomas's."**

**Before doing the washing up, Louisa checks her emails and there is a contrite message from Holly. She asks Louisa to thank "Dr. Delight" for taking care of her. The surgeon at Truro noted her allergic reaction to morphine and how Martin had revived her. She is very grateful. Louisa responds that she is pleased Holly is on the mend and will let Martin know she is recuperating. To the last of eight emails from Caroline, Louisa quickly taps out: "Lovely weekend. Off to see Martin's old hospital and then the train to Bodmin Parkway. Will call you on Monday."**

**Louisa returns to the kitchen, places dishes in the dishwasher and is able to turn on the complicated machine. As she wipes the counter, she looks admiringly around the kitchen and thinks: Maybe one day. If I save like mad!**

**Just as Martin is pulling on his trousers, Louisa enters the bedroom. Suddenly she is a little shy and takes her things into the still-steamy bathroom. The fan soon clears the air and she can put on make up. When she returns, Martin is wearing a light blue shirt, dark suit and striped tie. His cheeks are pink from shaving, and she cannot resist kissing him. Martin says: "You smell good." **

"**What do I smell like?"**

"**Uh, nothing, just good. Is that what I am supposed to say?"**

**Louisa laughs: "Very appropriate."**

**Hugging Martin, Louisa tells him he looks handsome, but he only mumbles that he is going to check email. She carefully dresses in dark gray trousers and a light grey twin set and adds Martin's necklace. If she sees someone he knows at St. Thomas's, Louisa wants to look good for Martin - and perhaps for herself. Quickly packing her luggage, Louisa is ready to go directly to the train from St. Thomas's. **

**As she looks about the bedroom, Martin returns. He holds out his arms to her and she rushes into them. "Louisa, this was good – a good weekend." She murmurs "yes it was" into his chest while he kisses the top of her head and continues to hold her tightly. He clears his throat and says: "Best be off." **

**Martin takes her computer bag and luggage and holds the door for her. In the lift ****Louisa tells him about the email from Holly. Martin fumes: "Don't tell me she resumed her concert tour and is having back pain."**

"**No, she has come back to London and is resting at her flat. Apparently, the surgeon at Truro told her what you had done, and she is grateful."**

**"Maybe she'll learn to mind a doctor's orders, although she may be the first. Louisa, I am pleased that she is doing well, and I was concerned about her. But I'm happy you came to London for me rather than for her." **

**Louisa takes his hand, kisses it and says: "Me too."**

**Jane is at the desk and offers the newspapers to Martin. Louisa says, "Here, I'll take them for you." Martin walks to the car park, leaving Louisa with Jane.**

"**I hope you have a pleasant trip, m'am." Louisa thanks her and asks how her studies are going. "Good but my classes are difficult. Harry tells me I should study more to get top grades because competition is stiff for good jobs. Louisa agrees and says she is head of a primary school in Cornwall and has more excellent teacher candidates than she can hire. **

"**Oh so that's how you know Dr. Ellingham. Harry told me that he had gone from London to Cornwall a few years ago but comes back occasionally to see the Southwoods. This is the first I've met him, but Harry says he is very intelligent and a brilliant doctor. Do you find it – oh, I don't know what I mean – but just difficult to get a brilliant man interested in you?"**

**Inwardly Louisa sighs, but smiles brightly at Jane and says: "It is difficult. But only you can know if he is worth the effort. You are so young, you might not have to make that decision now." **

"**My friends tell me not to bother with Harry. He is intelligent as well but he seems oblivious to me…. Oh, there's Dr. Ellingham with the car." Louisa thanks Jane and wishes her well with her studies and Harry. **

**Martin places her computer bag, luggage and the newspapers in the boot and then opens the door for her. In the car, he inserts a CD saying, "I thought this might cheer you." Driving away, the car is filled with the raucous music of The Pogues. Louisa can't help laughing and tapping her feet to the boisterous songs Danny loved during his Irish punk rock phase. But now she is with Martin, and he is also smiling and moving his head as the music plays. Conversation is impossible as they make their way to St. Thomas's. When they arrive, Martin pulls into a visitor's parking space near a door marked "Staff Entry." **

**As he helps Louisa from the car, he twirls her around a bit in response to the music they have just heard and Louisa falls into his arms. She laughs and says: "Must be a wild Irish pirate in your ancestry – you really like this music."**

"**Probably more than one, but no English criminals like your father," he responds.**

**Louisa stiffens and pulls away from him: "Martin! That was horrid."**

"**No, Louisa, it was meant to be a joke! I didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry that I upset you." **

**Feeling slightly better but still not convinced that Martin's remark was not malicious, Louisa smiles and says "Fine. Let's see St. Thomas's. **


	16. Chapter 16

**A Return to St. Thomas's**

**Martin and Louisa walk through the entrance, and a security officer greets them. "I'm Martin Ellingham and Mr. Coombs left passes for me." The officer looks through a drawer and says: "Of course, Dr. Ellingham. Mr. Coombs left this for you as well." He hands Martin two cards stamped "visitor" and a small, thick envelope. Martin asks if they have to wear the cards. "No, just show them if someone enquires." **

"**We are going to have a look about, some of the operating theatres, the labs and classrooms," explains Martin.**

"**Only a few people are in today, just the weekend doctors on rota and a few students in the labs. Always quiet on Sundays," the man responds.**

**Louisa smiles at the guard, and Martin thanks him but seems a bit miffed. In the lift he grumbles that he is no longer "Mr. Ellingham," a consultant but now "Dr. Ellingham," a bloody GP. Then Martin opens the envelope, reads a short note and unfolds a larger piece of paper. On it Louisa sees the words: "Vascular Surgery Appointment." **

"**What's that – a job opening?" asks Louisa.**

"**Yes, it tis. Actually for my old post. The consultant who held it is leaving, and this is the advert for a replacement. Coombs said one of my registrars was to take over but decided to reduce his surgery schedule and care for his children. Not sure why anyone would do that."**

**Exiting the lift on the fifth floor, they walk down a corridor to what Martin says is the surgical wing. Turning a corner, they see a couple with two small children approaching. The woman is wearing a white medical coat and smiles when Martin greets her.**

"**Well, hullo, Shephali, how good to see you."**

"**Martin, what a delightful surprise. We miss you here. You remember my husband, Anish, and these are Reena and Anil. I was pregnant with him when you left. Since then, I've gone to half time and am doing the weekend rota. We're off to a Sunday lunch in the café."**

**Martin introduces Louisa, noting that Shephali was one of his outstanding registrars and Anish is a consultant at Imperial Hospital. After their parents shake Louisa's hand, the children softly say: "Very pleased to meet you, Miss."**

**Louisa smiles: "What lovely children." **

"**Yes, they are under strict orders to behave in mum's hospital." **

**Anish laughs: "You see, Martin. My ambitious wife already has plans to take over St. Thomas's. You must come back to stop her."**

"**Only after these two are further along in school. It's too much fun being a mum! By the way Martin, we've a new junior who came up from Truro and had a bit of a story about your operating on a lad during an ambulance trip to hospital."**

**Martin responds; "Well not exactly surgery. He had a ruptured spleen and was bleeding out. I made the cut and then held his artery together until we got to Truro. They had only one Spencer-Wells in the ambulance, and it broke when I tried to compress the artery. Something of a fright, but the boy is doing well now."**

"**I understand there was more to it and involved that horrid Adrian Pitts. Apparently, the teacher who came in the ambulance with the boy told off Adrian in front of his juniors. Seems he was spreading a rumor about you, and the teacher gave Adrian a what for. His students nearly applauded because Adrian is so roundly-hated."**

**Louisa is blushing furiously and looks away from Martin who says: "I see. I hadn't heard that part of the story."**

**Shephali exclaims: "Well, if it put Adrian in his place, so much the better!"**

**Anish joins in: "Martin, I missed you at the conference on Friday, but I understand that you will be at Imperial on Monday seeing Jonathan Lieder and the vascular research group. Martin nods and replies: "Yes, Robert Southwood asked me to talk with them."**

"**You know we would be honoured to have you at Imperial."**

**Shephali says they must dash to lunch to be back for her afternoon rounds. Martin shakes their parents' hands and Louisa smiles after the children as they walk to the lift.**

**Martin asks: "What was that about you and Adrian Pitts?"**

"**Well, it wasn't all that much. You had worked out that he told people at the pub about your blood thing. I went back into the hospital to thank him for taking care of Peter. Then I told him to never bad mouth you ever again. I might have said that if he did, I would be the last person he would ever want to meet. I was just tired and upset that someone like him had made you the subject of village gossip."**

"**Now I seem to be the subject of gossip at St. Thomas's," Martin snaps. Louisa cannot understand Martin's anger and only mumbles: "I'm sorry." **

**As they walk down another corridor, Martin stops in front of an office: "So, Miss Manning has my old office now. First rate mind and the youngest female FRCS in England. They'll want her at Imperial soon enough." **

"**Oh, did Jonathan Lieder work with you at St. Thomas's as well? Is that why you are seeing him on Monday?"**

"**No, he did train at St. Thomas's, but Lieder is very senior at Imperial. Been there for years. Robert asked me to interview with him for a research and teaching post here in London."**

**More than puzzled, Louisa asks: "Martin, what's going on - are you coming back to London? Why did you bother bringing me here if you are planning to leave Portwenn?"**

"**Louisa, I wanted you to come to London for the very reason I said: to have time together to sort things out. At the conference on Friday, several people approached me about positions, including the two researchers from Harvard."**

**"God, Martin, now you want to go off to America!"**

**"No, no, not America. They would give me money for research but I would have a full teaching schedule. That's not something I want."**

"**But what about London, Martin? Is that something you want? You told me last night you miss being a surgeon, but not London. What do you want Martin?"**

"**Right now, I don't know. I intended only to present the research and catch up with some old colleagues. After three years, I thought no one would give me a second thought and would be mildly polite about the paper. Apparently, the work was quite decent and piqued some interest among the research faculties. I've had a number of emails from various groups since the conference."**

**Louisa says: "I see" and quickly walks away from Martin. She is soon at the end of the corridor and there is no exit. She must turn around and walk past Martin to leave the wing. First, she must collect herself as she is a bit hurt and angry that Martin did not tell her about the interview.**

**He soon calls to her: "Louisa, there is no exit there. You have to come back this way."**

**Without turning around, Louisa asks: "Martin, why didn't you tell me that you are considering a post in London? You might have let me know on Friday night." **

"**Because I didn't want to spoil our weekend. I did have it in the back of my mind that someone might be interested in me, but I didn't force anything. Aside from the interview at Imperial, these things only came up at the conference."**

**Louisa wants to get out of the hospital and away from Martin. She looks at her watch and turns toward him: "Let's just go to the station now. As far as I am concerned, the weekend is over."**

**Martin has a crestfallen look: "Now, Louisa, don't be cross. We've gotten along so well. Let's just stay together until you meet the train. No need for you to rush off. I haven't even talked to anyone. I'm perfectly happy to cancel the meetings tomorrow."**

"**Meetings," asks Louisa, emphasizing the "s." "You have more than one meeting tomorrow?"**

"**Yes, that's right. I have three meetings at Imperial. One is with the vascular research group, one is with a psychologist and another is with a psychiatrist. Those appointments are about my haemophobia. With the right therapy and support, I may be able to return to surgery in a year or so. It was suggested initially at St. Thomas's, but I was so shattered then that I rejected the idea. It is beginning to make sense to me now." **

**Louisa feels as if the whole weekend has been a fraud. Martin knew about the meetings at Imperial, told her nothing and now doesn't seem to understand or care that she is upset at the thought of him returning to London. If anything, she is more upset that he didn't think her important enough in his life to tell her about the meetings. Any one of them could have a major impact on his life, but he saw no reason to tell Louisa.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A Simple Question**

**Martin places his hands on her shoulders, but Louisa is too tired to shrug them off and only looks up into his troubled eyes. "Louisa, please don't be angry with me. Not all research happens in London. Studies could be done in Cornwall – maybe Plymouth. And if I can solve my blood phobia, I could be a surgeon again. I've tried to pretend that it doesn't matter to me. But it really does. **

"**Finding a post in Truro or any of the other PCT hospitals in Cornwall is possible. You could stay at Portwenn Primary. Getting over my phobia doesn't mean I move to London. These doctors are very good. Let them at least evaluate me to see if there's a chance of returning to surgery. Please Louisa, let me do this for us." **

**Louisa swallows: "Martin, there is no us. There is a you doing as you please and there is a me, stupidly in love with you, thinking that one day you'll notice."**

**Martin drops his hands from Louisa's shoulders and says: "Louisa, I can't go back to being the miserable sod who spent every weekend on this corridor. Hiding in my office behind journals, running every committee, taking on every training, not having a life outside medicine. This weekend, with you, I found out what having a life means."**

"**Martin, do you love me?" **

"**What do you mean?"**

"**It's a simple question: "Do you love me?" Martin says nothing and looks away from Louisa.**

"**Never mind, Martin, I'm not embarrassing myself any more. It took me a while because I'm a yokel from Portwenn, but I finally understand. I'm not good enough for you. I don't have a first from Oxford. I don't have a father who's been knighted or is a don at Cambridge. I'm not a French epidemiologist who demands your attention when she pleases or any of the brilliant surgeons who worked for you. **

"**I'm poor Louisa Glasson, the girl the village had to raise, who had to baby mind in the States to earn money for university, the one who runs a poor school with no funds for computers, the one who couldn't get a husband or have a baby because she's just not good enough for any man, much less the great surgeon Martin Ellingham. No matter how much I try, I will never be good enough for anyone, especially not you. You sent yourself to Coventry when you came to Portwenn. You needed some one to distract you, and I filled the bill."**

**Martin grabs Louisa's arm and says: "Stop it. You don't know what you're saying, stop it." **

"**Oh, no Martin, I do know. I foolishly came to London at your invitation because I believed we could finally have time together – to find out what we mean to each other. Your conference was over on Friday and you had to wait until Monday for your job interview and appointments. You needed something to fill Saturday and Sunday. Let's dangle a weekend at her. Let her see the way I once lived when I was the great surgeon, Martin Ellingham. Give the village girl a treat. After all, she's kept me amused for the last few years. Made that awful place a little more bearable. Least I could do before I returned to London.**

"**Get me out of here Martin. I don't care about your life as a surgeon or any part of your life now, then or in the future. I want to be away from you. I can't waste any more time ranting at you because I'm not even making sense to myself. I just want to go back to Portwenn and get on with my life. If you stay in Portwenn I don't care. If you go to London or Truro or any place you fancy, I don't care. You finally did it, Martin. I give up. You've exhausted me. You need not take me to the station. Just leave my cases, I'll take a taxi. I can't be here with you any more knowing I've once again made a fool of myself over you."**

**Martin shakes his head and says "No, Louisa. None of that is true. You are upset because I didn't tell you about those meetings. I should have but knew you would over-react just as you do about everything that doesn't suit you. And that's what you're doing now. And don't presume to tell me how I feel about you or that you aren't good enough for me. You are being very high-handed saying that you were just an amusement in Portwenn, and I asked you to London only to flaunt my old life. You know you're wrong but you won't admit it, because you're the one who can't bear it when someone cares about you." **

**In the distance, they hear the lift door open. Martin takes Louisa's arm: "Let's go now." They walk down the corridor and two men approach them talking in hushed tones. One man looks up and exclaims: "Good Lord, it's Martin Ellingham. How are you?" Martin extends his hand and says: "Hello, Gordon. Just having a look around. How've you been?" **

"**Well, when I'm spending Sunday afternoon with a solicitor preparing for my divorce, I can't say I'm doing very well. But that's what's happened with me and Cecily." Gordon continues: "This is my solicitor, Avery Helms, Avery – Martin Ellingham." Avery takes a card from his pocket and hands it to Martin saying: "Great to meet you. Please call me if I can ever be of service." Gordon laughs and says: "Avery is always looking for a fat case. But then who is this with you Martin?"**

**Martin turns to Louisa: "Oh sorry. Louisa Glasson this is Gordon Day and," as Martin glances at the card, "Avery Helms." Louisa forces a smile and says quietly: "How do you do." Both Gordon and Avery give Louisa appreciative looks and Gordon claps Martin on the back saying: "You are definitely doing much better than I am." Martin, nods and says: "We must be off now. Hope all goes well for you, Gordon. " Louisa adds, "Lovely to meet you both." **

**As they continue down the corridor, the two men laugh and they clearly hear one say: "How did he get someone like her?" Martin looks over his shoulder and mumbles "ass." "How could they think he'd be suitable for my post. And Cecily is twice the surgeon he is. Excellent registrar. Now doing breast cancer surgeries. Last I heard she had two children with that ass. Well, she'll soon be rid of him." **

"**Yes," says Louisa, "it's good to be rid of a bad man."**

"**Louisa, that is so unfair of you. Because I do something you don't like doesn't make me a bad man. We are going to talk this through before you leave. We've a few hours before your train." **

"**Martin, there is nothing left. I can't say anything else."**

"**Well I can." The lift arrives and as they enter it, Martin tries to take Louisa's hand but she pulls away from him. In the lobby, Martin asks the guard if they can use the consultant's lounge for about an hour. He accompanies them to a nearby room and uses his passcard to open the door: "This was just re-done. Has computers, lavatories, bar with coffee and tea. Very comfortable chairs. I'm always catching the junior registrars in here having a quick nap. Not sure how they get in." **

**Martin walks to the bar and says: "I'm making coffee. Would you like tea or coffee Louisa?" **

"**Nothing. I want nothing." Louisa selects a chair with a small table next to it facing a large window looking into a garden. She sinks into the chair and stares out the window fully ready to remain in that position until Martin gives up and let's her go to the station. Martin makes two cups of coffee and places one on the table saying: "If you change your mind." Louisa stares out the window. Martin pulls a chair near her, sips his coffee and looks out the window as well. **

**He has nothing to say, thinks Louisa. Martin is only stalling so that he can find some way to make himself look better. This is fine. I can sit here and look at the garden. So very pleasant. No need to pay a bit of attention to him. **

**Martin clears his throat and softly says: "Louisa, I feel like I'm on tenterhooks around you. You are so insecure – and I understand why you are insecure – but you are so very insecure. I am never sure what to say to you, how to behave, what to do. In a few hours we go from having a wonderful time to you telling me you don't care about my life or where I live it. How can I love you when that is the type of reaction you have to the simplest thing." **

"**Simplest thing," hisses Louisa. "You don't tell me about a job that would bring you to London or that you are trying to go back to surgery – again, probably in London. Those, Martin, are not simple things. It would be wonderful if you were better, if you could do surgery again. I truly understand how important it is. But you might have told me. That's what people do when they care about each other." **

"**Louisa, they are meetings. They are not job offers or my haemophobia being cured. Do you want me to be the GP in Portwenn forever? Just ignore my training and my ability to really help people? Louisa, I have tried that, and I don't want to do it any more. I want to get back to what I do well, very well.**

"**You are all too right that I 'sent myself to Coventry' by going into GP training and then taking an assignment in Portwenn. I could have done research, taught medicine, written textbooks, or any number of things that would have been almost as good as being a surgeon. But I was so determined to punish myself for being sickened by blood – only blood – something I had been handling since my first science class. Nothing I ever gave two thoughts about, just something that was part of being a doctor. I had to exile myself, to get far enough away that I would never have to face the pity being heaped on me.**

"**This is the first I've been back to St. Thomas's since being told to take a sabbatical. That was a horrible day when I stormed out of here with my life in shambles. Proving that part of my life is over was important to me. I couldn't have ****come here without you, Louisa. Why are you so insecure about me? "**

**Louisa looks away from Martin and back to the window saying: "I am so insecure because you can't say how you feel about me. What am I to you? You say that you care about me but what does that really mean, Martin? Does it mean you love me? You want a life with me? Please, tell me something." **

"**We were both affected by our childhoods and by other things that have happened to us in life. People leave you, Louisa. Your mother, your father, Danny, twice now."**

"**My God, Martin," shouts Louisa, "stop it. You don't have to be cruel. I fully understand that people leave me because they don't love me. By all means, add yourself to the list of people who leave me. Now it will be my mother, father, Danny, twice, and Martin – but only once. How special that makes me feel. That you could only rip out my heart one time, Martin. Well just like you walked out of your brilliant surgery career, I am out of your life right now. Get my cases from the car, I'm going back to Portwenn and you, Martin Ellingham, can go right to hell!"**

**The End**

**Note: A sequel looks at the events the London weekend set in motion.**


End file.
